My Relationship With Social Media

Hello, hello everyone. I am back now after taking a littler over a week off of blogging. I was feeling uninspired (or more like overwhelmed because I wasn’t actually finishing any of the books or posts that I had started). I think I’m back now and I have a lot of ideas for new blog posts and I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

I decided though today to talk about my relationship with social media because it seems relevant as to why I took a break.

I don’t want to say that I’ve ever been addicted to social media. But I will say that I have always been highly influenced by social media. I constantly compared myself to other people and struggled to curate the perfect online presence. And I understand that other people also curate the perfect online presence but it still frustrated me that their “happy” and “good” moments seemed better than mine.

Things got really bad last year when I lost a job and was trying to use Instagram to advertise for my handmade products that I sell on Etsy. I followed hundreds of people and spent hours every single day scrolling through Instagram just looking at all of these people that were better than me. I’m not going to lie when I say it broke me a little bit. I felt so unsuccessful and so unloved and bad about who I was and what I was doing. That time period holds a lot of regrets for me and that’s why I tried to avoid social media as much as I could.

So in January I deleted Instagram. And in August I deleted Facebook. I have no IRL friends anymore so I didn’t really see the point in following the lives of people that I didn’t talk to and that didn’t talk to me. This blog was a way for me to be “social” and share things that I enjoyed without having to actually leave my house. It’s been a lovely reprieve from the stressors of my life and I was really sad when I realized that I was getting overwhelmed by it. Right now I’m also going to school full time (possibly looking into transferring again) and working full time as well. I’m just burning myself out at every end and it’s getting to me. So after dropping a class last weekend because I couldn’t handle it, I decided to take a break from the blog as well.

This break was really nice. I have a whole list of posts that I’m really looking forward to writing, I’m renewed and ready to start again AND it let me get creative in a whole different medium. Which I’ll talk about now:

So I got a Twitter for this blog and sort of just use it to shit post as well as share my blog posts. Plus I follow a lot of funny people that make my day with their tweets. And just recently I decided to make new Instagram accounts. I made a bookstagram (@amelia.and.her.books) and one that I’m sharing hiking/nature posts on (@amelia.rosin). Those Instagram accounts are the ones I want to talk about. I’ve decided to just share whatever I want to share and work on making creative posts and sharing the pictures that I love. I’ve been ignoring the numbers and just posting things that I like! I don’t even have notifications on and it’s the best decision I’ve made in a while. It’s been a lot of fun and it’s been so nice to get back into the swing of taking pictures. Photography has always been a favorite hobby of mine and when I’m stressed out and sad it’s the last thing that I want to do. But I know that when I can sit down and edit pictures it makes my day when the vision I had in my head shows up on my camera.

I’ve also been working on getting back into creative makeup. Doing my makeup has always been a huge form of self care. It makes me feel better because it’s so much fun and creating new looks is inspiring! I haven’t decided yet if I want to make a third Instagram account just for posting makeup or if I want to add a section to my Bookstagram that focuses on the makeup looks I create that are based off of book covers! Either way I think it will be fun 🙂

Now back to the blog. I am hoping to try and post every day again like I managed to do for the beginning of October but if I can’t I’ll be posting on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday! I’m going to work on getting back to comments and whatnot today and tomorrow and yeah I’m happy to be back and done being as stressed out. I’ll be back tomorrow with a Top Ten Tuesday post 🙂

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FOMO In The Book Community

So unrelated but also sort of related… I finally took the Enneagram test the other day and it was revealed unto me that I am a Type 6 and ooooohhhh boy did I feel SEEN when I read the description for the type.

Now the biggest thing with being a Type 6 is that I’m scared. Of everything. Like wow, this has never made more sense to me in my entire life! And right now, one of the things that I’m really struggling with is FOMO. And this post will specifically talk about FOMO in the book community that has been created online.

I would absolutely love to start a BookTube channel but I feel as if I could never gain momentum in such a vast community. I also feel like this blog will never gain momentum, nor will my Twitter or Goodreads. I just feel like I’ll be stuck within this tiny little bubble writing for the two people who seem to read all of my posts.

And yes, I’m well aware that I don’t need a vast amount of followers or anything like that but I have a lot of opinions that I want to share and I want them to be seen widely! So right now I’m struggling with a lot of FOMO regarding the online book community. I think part of this is having seen so many posts about this most recent BEA and Book Con but also just because I’ve been following an increasing number of bookish people on Twitter and I always want to participate in conversations but I almost feel like I don’t have the right to just reply to these public tweets.

I started filming clips to try and make a reading vlog a few weeks back and I keep trying to tell myself to film because I know that I’ll have fun editing the footage once I actually film stuff. I took a film production class back when I was still in school and I had so much fun creating videos and I miss that aspect of being creative. Digital art is how I started off feeling like I was good at being creative and I want to start that up again. At this point I don’t think that I’ll ever feel confident enough to post anything to YouTube and that makes me sad.

For once I just want to feel like I’m part of a community instead of only sitting on the sidelines. My whole life I’ve been on the sidelines. Every friend I’ve had has always had someone that they’re closer to, every group I’ve been in I feel uncomfortable for one reason or another. I constantly feel like the odd one out and it sucks.

But despite all of this, I’m going to continue to persevere and maybe someday I’ll find a bit of a community for myself. That’s all I can hope for.

Also, on a side note, I hit 100 followers on here and I just wanted to say that I am so very thankful for everyone that has chosen to follow me since I began this blog back in 2015. It’s been quite the journey since then and I wanted to genuinely thank you for sticking with me no matter how long you’ve been a follower. Thank you!!

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