Author Adventures: I Don’t Like My Writing

I think that one of the biggest reasons that I really haven’t pursued writing a full length novel is because I actually hate my writing. And yes, most of that reasoning is simply because I think that nothing I ever create is good enough to be shown to other people, but there are also a lot of things about my writing that I could improve upon.

I have always, always discouraged myself from pursuing creative careers.

“There are too many artists”

“Your work isn’t good enough to ever make you money”

“You would never succeed, you’ll be broke for the rest of your life”

These are just a few of the thoughts that would go through my mind when I would consider pursuing something creative for my future career. All of these thoughts and more are still incredibly prevalent when I think about what I want to do with my future. Though I have finally decided upon what I really want to go for school for I still question whether or not I’m truly making the right decision. But that’s a discussion for a different day. Art classes ruined my creativity for the most part (I talked about that more in depth in this post) and I’m not sure if I would ever feel confident enough in my creative work to pursue it as a career.

When I think about writing I think that there is no way anyone could ever possibly be interested in what I’m writing. And eventually, with every story that ever comes to my mind, I turn away from it. I shut the file or the notebook and I push the ideas to the side and never return to them.

My writing, to me, is too childish, there’s too much detail, not enough detail, the plot makes no sense, it’s not unique enough. I mean the list goes on! My motivation for writing can disappear so quickly that it’s discouraging. I want to write but most of the time I feel like there truly is no point in doing so. And then, when it comes to writing novels I always write a number of pages and then stop because I just can’t keep the plot going.

Sometimes I really wish that I had either a co-author to help me with longer stories or just someone who would help to push me to write more. But I really don’t have anyone who could do that so it sucks.

I, in all honesty, really wish that I had more confidence in my work. But I think everything I do sucks. Even these blog posts never truly live up to my expectations. Sometimes I really wonder if I even want to continue writing because who will ever read my work even if I do get it published someday?

And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed the 2 readers I have with my depressing post, I bid you good day. Talk to ya next time.

 

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Author Adventures: My List of Impossible Projects

Here it is, the return to my attempt at becoming a published author eventually. I guess this means I’m actually going to try and write. Let’s see how long this lasts.

Today I’m going to share with you some of the ideas that I have for possible projects. Some of them are going to be pretty vague while others I’ll go into more detail for. Not many of these ideas have been stirring in my brain for a while, I’ve actually forgotten a lot of stuff that I once wanted to write about. One of my future projects for this series is actually going to be going back and rereading some of my old journals for tidbits of info regarding writing. I also want to see if I can find any of my really old NaNoWriMo projects and talk about those more in depth (because they were really bad and I feel like that post would be pretty comedic).

Anyways, here is a list of my (im)possible projects… calling them impossible because I really have no idea if I’ll ever finish any of them.

First off is really stupid, I’d like to publish a collection of my poetry. I feel like this market might be incredibly oversaturated at this point but I have always had an affinity for writing poetry and I don’t think that what I write is awful. However, I do feel like the collection of poems that I have already written in the past is incredibly angsty and I’m not sure how much of that I would ever want to see the actual light of day. If I were to ever publish a poetry collection I would have to do extensive rewrites of my old poems and really think about what I want the overall meaning of what I write to be.

Next up is actually a project that I’m currently working on, it’s a fantasy novel about a princess that is in the midst of not only training to eventually become queen but is also the leader of the entire kingdom’s army. (And spoiler alert: they’re going to war). I have the very beginning of this book written so far as well as a very big plot point that’s going to occur somewhere around the halfway mark. I think if I’m going to be serious about this book that I really need to write an outline (even though I’m very much a pantser when it comes to writing).

A contemporary novel with *redacted*… I had a whole thing written out for that but I ultimately had to delete it because I feel like this story is better off with little to no information given out. There are a lot of elements to this story that I’m iffy about, I actually got the idea off of a writing prompt, and I’m a little nervous that if I don’t write it correctly that it could look really problematic. So I think that this is definitely a story that I will have to sit down and outline. I also think that further into outlining/writing this that I’m going to have people read it to see if it’s coming across the right way or not. And if the original concept goes awry I can totally flip this and write a completely different story that would sort of follow the original.

Back in high school I took a creative writing class and for our final project we all had to write a short story. I wrote a horror themed short story about a doll that came to life and to this day it’s still a story that I’m incredibly proud of. My teacher actually told me that it came across with Stephen King vibes which, to me, is still one of the best compliments I’ve ever been given about my writing. This story is actually an inspiration for another project idea of mine that would basically just be a collection of short horror stories. I’ve never been good at plotting out really long horror based stories but I think that the genre is such a fun one to delve into that it would be fun to just write short stories and finally get all my horror stories out there.

Another idea I have is to write a series of middle grade books that are within the historical fiction genre. Books like this were a pivotal part of my reading as a kid and I would love to contribute to other children’s love of history through my own writing. This could also depart into me just writing a regular adult novel in the historical fiction genre but I’m kind of leaning towards younger readers when I think of this project idea. I have numerous concepts that I’ve been mulling over and I’m not sure if things like American Girl books and the Little House books mean that there wouldn’t be a place for more historical fiction middle grade books but we shall see.

The last idea that I’m going to share in this post is just going back to the nonfiction book that I had mentioned in my first post in this series. I would really like to try and finish that book even though now that I’ve thought about it more I really don’t think it was that great. But I’m hoping that maybe the motivational message in it could be useful to someone else so I might eventually revisit it or write an entirely different sort of self-help motivational book in the future.

Now that I’ve rambled on for quite some time I think I’ll stop here. I really am excited for some of the ideas that I have and really hope that I can finally find the motivation to flesh out some or even all of these impossible projects that I’ve outlined here. Anyways, hope you all have a nice day! I’ll talk to you next time.

Author Adventures: I Think I’m Writing A Book

I have long dreamed of being a published author. Like this is a dream that goes all the way back to elementary school. Back in high school I discovered NaNoWriMo and I attempted it every year for five years straight! And for all five of those years that I tried I failed miserably each time. I even tried out Camp NaNoWriMo on a few occasions and shockingly I failed all of those attempts too.

Some of those failed attempts included multiple contemporary romance books filled with extreme teen angst and a book about a girl who found out that she was cloned by her “real” mother because that woman’s “original” daughter had died. I’ve gone back and forth between working on contemporary books and fantasy based books and I’ve often thought about writing nonfiction or even historical fiction. When it comes to writing anything other than fantasy though I get nervous about doing research. I do realize that research is a part of writing but dang does it stress me out! I mean now that I’m not in school I could dedicate more time to research things but it still just weighs me down.

I’ve come decently close to finishing a nonfiction book that I wrote a few summers ago, I got about halfway through it before realizing I had nothing more to write about. I would love to revisit it eventually but I would have to change the entire infrastructure of the book and I’m not sure if I’m willing to overhaul it quite yet.

I also started at least one, if not two, writing projects with an ex of mine that were going well. It was actually pretty beneficial to me to have someone else to write with because it helped keep the story going when I got stuck; as soon as I didn’t have something to write about he would jump in and so on.┬áBut now I am writing by myself and because of that I have no idea if any of the small tidbits of stories that I have in my brain will ever come to fruition or if I’ll just have folders upon folders of Scrivener documents that never make it past chapter three. Knowing me, there will definitely still be folders upon folders but I’m hoping that in documenting my writing process that maybe I’ll hold myself accountable enough to write more than the bare minimum.

So as an end to this introduction to yet another new series on my blog I would just like to say welcome to my descent into madness, if there is never another post to this series you will know I gave up… again. Anyways, here’s to hoping this will end in me becoming a published author! I’ll chat with you about my potential projects in the next post. Have a great day everyone!