So unrelated but also sort of related… I finally took the Enneagram test the other day and it was revealed unto me that I am a Type 6 and ooooohhhh boy did I feel SEEN when I read the description for the type.
Now the biggest thing with being a Type 6 is that I’m scared. Of everything. Like wow, this has never made more sense to me in my entire life! And right now, one of the things that I’m really struggling with is FOMO. And this post will specifically talk about FOMO in the book community that has been created online.
I would absolutely love to start a BookTube channel but I feel as if I could never gain momentum in such a vast community. I also feel like this blog will never gain momentum, nor will my Twitter or Goodreads. I just feel like I’ll be stuck within this tiny little bubble writing for the two people who seem to read all of my posts.
And yes, I’m well aware that I don’t need a vast amount of followers or anything like that but I have a lot of opinions that I want to share and I want them to be seen widely! So right now I’m struggling with a lot of FOMO regarding the online book community. I think part of this is having seen so many posts about this most recent BEA and Book Con but also just because I’ve been following an increasing number of bookish people on Twitter and I always want to participate in conversations but I almost feel like I don’t have the right to just reply to these public tweets.
I started filming clips to try and make a reading vlog a few weeks back and I keep trying to tell myself to film because I know that I’ll have fun editing the footage once I actually film stuff. I took a film production class back when I was still in school and I had so much fun creating videos and I miss that aspect of being creative. Digital art is how I started off feeling like I was good at being creative and I want to start that up again. At this point I don’t think that I’ll ever feel confident enough to post anything to YouTube and that makes me sad.
For once I just want to feel like I’m part of a community instead of only sitting on the sidelines. My whole life I’ve been on the sidelines. Every friend I’ve had has always had someone that they’re closer to, every group I’ve been in I feel uncomfortable for one reason or another. I constantly feel like the odd one out and it sucks.
But despite all of this, I’m going to continue to persevere and maybe someday I’ll find a bit of a community for myself. That’s all I can hope for.
Also, on a side note, I hit 100 followers on here and I just wanted to say that I am so very thankful for everyone that has chosen to follow me since I began this blog back in 2015. It’s been quite the journey since then and I wanted to genuinely thank you for sticking with me no matter how long you’ve been a follower. Thank you!!