Author Adventures: I Don’t Like My Writing

I think that one of the biggest reasons that I really haven’t pursued writing a full length novel is because I actually hate my writing. And yes, most of that reasoning is simply because I think that nothing I ever create is good enough to be shown to other people, but there are also a lot of things about my writing that I could improve upon.

I have always, always discouraged myself from pursuing creative careers.

“There are too many artists”

“Your work isn’t good enough to ever make you money”

“You would never succeed, you’ll be broke for the rest of your life”

These are just a few of the thoughts that would go through my mind when I would consider pursuing something creative for my future career. All of these thoughts and more are still incredibly prevalent when I think about what I want to do with my future. Though I have finally decided upon what I really want to go for school for I still question whether or not I’m truly making the right decision. But that’s a discussion for a different day. Art classes ruined my creativity for the most part (I talked about that more in depth in this post) and I’m not sure if I would ever feel confident enough in my creative work to pursue it as a career.

When I think about writing I think that there is no way anyone could ever possibly be interested in what I’m writing. And eventually, with every story that ever comes to my mind, I turn away from it. I shut the file or the notebook and I push the ideas to the side and never return to them.

My writing, to me, is too childish, there’s too much detail, not enough detail, the plot makes no sense, it’s not unique enough. I mean the list goes on! My motivation for writing can disappear so quickly that it’s discouraging. I want to write but most of the time I feel like there truly is no point in doing so. And then, when it comes to writing novels I always write a number of pages and then stop because I just can’t keep the plot going.

Sometimes I really wish that I had either a co-author to help me with longer stories or just someone who would help to push me to write more. But I really don’t have anyone who could do that so it sucks.

I, in all honesty, really wish that I had more confidence in my work. But I think everything I do sucks. Even these blog posts never truly live up to my expectations. Sometimes I really wonder if I even want to continue writing because who will ever read my work even if I do get it published someday?

And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed the 2 readers I have with my depressing post, I bid you good day. Talk to ya next time.

 

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Mid-Year Blog Goals

Adventures With a Side of Espresso

This post is definitely more for me than for all of you reading but maybe you’ll get a little bit of enjoyment out of it. Now that it’s June (ugh I hate that it’s already June) I feel like I need to try and come up with some goals for myself for this blog for the rest of the year. I’m hoping I can come up with five but I guess you’ll just have to keep reading to see what I come up with.

1 Get 100 followers by December 31!

I would really just like to keep growing traffic and followers and though my blog has slowly grown over the years I would really like to have at least 100 followers by the end of the year. I feel like if I really took the time to focus on blogging and marketing my blog then I could definitely get a lot more traffic than I am right now but that means actually putting in the effort to market my blog and I can’t help but get cold feet about whether it’s even worth it.

2 Finish my Harry Potter quote series

I realized that I started this series in 2015… And obviously now it is 2019 and I have only made the first two posts in the series. I AM A FAILURE (not really but holy cow these posts are sooooo easy to make I can’t believe I haven’t finished it yet). Stay tuned!

3 Post weekend posts at least once a month

I would really like to increase my post volume at least once a month. I’m going to keep myself on my schedule of posting MWF but I want to try and make posts on Saturday or Sunday at least once a month if not more. I just need to get a day where I can sit down and block out many hours to just focus on the blog and get a bunch of stuff written ahead of time. Sometimes I just find this hard to do because a lot of my posts right now center around reading and I can only read so many books so fast! And hopefully this weekend was a post filled one because I wanted to get all my end of May posts up at the very beginning of June and I really don’t want to waste whole weeks each month to posts that simply wrap up the previous month.

4 Make my first affiliate sale

So far I’m only a part of the Amazon affiliate program and I’ve gotten exactly one click as of the time of me writing this post. I would really like to branch out into other affiliate programs and hopefully if I can increase traffic to my blog I can also start getting some affiliate purchases. I’m still really looking into how all of this works but it would be cool to have this work out!

5 Create one creative post a month

Whether this post is sharing pictures that I’ve taken and edited or something that I’ve painted or even just pages I’ve done in a coloring book I really want to start bringing art back into my life and I’d like to share my progress. I feel like this one is going to be really difficult for me considering how uncreative I’ve been feeling but we’ll see! I will also rope into this writing. So if I happen to write a poem or short story that I feel is good enough to share then that will count as a creative post as well.

Bonus goal:

Monetize my blog. Honestly if anyone out there has any advice on this topic I would love to hear some! I’m incredibly technologically challenged so I really can’t do much in terms of websites and whatnot but I would love to turn this into a bit of a more profitable venture. The reasoning behind that is just because I have a really bad habit of feeling like I need to monetize my hobbies but I also have been putting in a significant amount of hours writing posts recently that I’d really like to actually have something to show for my time.

Rereading this post, I think a lot of these goals are just me wanting to focus more on blogging as a job and working to create good and enjoyable content (even if it’s only that to myself). I really do love writing and blogging and it would be awesome if I can take it above and beyond just doing it for fun. Here’s to hoping everything goes to plan! Have a great week everyone!

Trying To Be Niche

I have a lot of interests. I have a lot of hobbies. I like a LOT of stuff. My problem is that I don’t always like these things all the time, I don’t always do these things exclusively, and I am so far from consistent it’s not even funny.

Right now, I really want to read, and I want to write, and I want to go back to school. I can finally listen to music again and I’m getting excited about wearing makeup again too. I don’t have a car to take on hiking trips and I honestly don’t know where my motivation to take pictures went but for some reason I have no interest in saving memories anymore. I can sew and crochet and take a decent picture now and again… Oh and sometimes I like to binge bake things and watercolor painting is one of my favorite things to do (even though I haven’t done it in months now).

I’ve read three books in the last week and every blog post idea I’ve had has been about books. I’m excited about what I’m doing when I don’t think about it, but then when I do pause to think about it I wonder why I even want to. Would people even be interested in the posts I want to make? I want to talk about books, both old and new, how many people will even be interested in old book reviews?

And what about posts that aren’t about books? No matter what I do I will never be able to force myself to stay in a box of one type of post. And sometimes I wonder if that hurts me in the long run when I’m making posts. How many people come to my post to see adventures and end up disappointed about books? Or come to see books and then turn away when I make a post about makeup? I want to be a diverse blog but I feel like I should be niche… But that’s not me.

In the long run, I think I will be forever self conscious about what I write. Every post I can’t help but think that I was too rambly or I wasn’t informative enough. I feel like no one will read my stuff, yet I write like everyone could read this at any moment. I know that I’ll post whatever I feel like posting, because in the end, I like to post things I’m excited about. I just hope that I’ll be able to find people that want to read along with me no matter what I post about.

So I guess what I have to say to conclude is if you found me for book related posts, enjoy! I have plenty more of those to come… And I hope you like all the random posts I have interspersed. And for in the future if I get burnt out on book related posts or if I just stop reading for a while again (which I know will happen, especially if I end up being able to go back to school) I really hope that everyone can find something they enjoy in what I write then too!

Anyways, happy Monday everyone! I’ll talk to you all on Wednesday.

17 Things I Want To Do In 2017

I have never followed through on resolutions. Never! Not once! So I’ve decided to make a big resolution to never make another resolution. Instead I am going to make a list of 17 things that I would like to do in 2017.

 1 Blog consistently

I’m horrible at being a blogger. That’s pretty obvious to me, so this year I’d like to try and blog at least five days a week. I want to act like this is a job!

2 Crochet

I am in the process of opening an Etsy shop of crocheted items that I have made. Obviously in order to do this, I need to crochet things. I need to make things and I need to crochet every single day.

crochetingawasoe

3 Take more pictures

I just want the memories.

aftonawasoe

4 Journal more

I’m working on a post about reasons to start journaling and I realized just how awful I am at journaling consistently so on top of blogging consistently, I would also like to journal consistently (every day would be amazing but I’d be happy with a few times a week, even just once week where I sat down and got out all my craftiness and emotions out would be awesome).

5 Workout

Starting off today I’m doing a 30 day workout calendar from Blogilates with my boyfriend and I’m hoping the two of us can hold each other accountable and workout a lot this year. We both really want to get into shape and I’m hoping by doing it together we’ll actually follow through.

6 Culture myself

Hahaha. Well I really just want to go to more museums, look at more art, go to London (hopefully!!). Hmmm. Yeah, that’s about it, I just want to appreciate stuff more. I want to go to plays and learn about history and people.

7 Go on a road trip!

Summer road trip to Seattle is currently being planned!

8 Meal plan

I’m one person. I hate making food for myself. I know that I need to take better care of myself and eat better and it’s so difficult for me because of all the food issues I have. I want to start meal planning and using the groceries I buy and really experiencing and enjoying food.

9 Develop an evening routine

Most nights this past semester have involved me working on homework until around midnight and then falling into bed and looking at my phone for over an hour until I’m finally tired enough to fall asleep (this “routine” also usually involved me forgetting to brush my teeth or take my makeup off). I want to have a routine that will help me wind down and maybe help with my insomnia some.

10 Cook more

This goes along with the meal planning. I started off the school year cooking a lot and I really enjoyed it! But then I started a second job for about a month and began to live off of granola bars and microwaveable meals which spiraled into me redeveloping some poor food habits and ended with me kind of never eating or eating really poorly. So I would like to cook more meals, I have a Pinterest board of recipes collecting dust and I intend to change that this next semester.

blueberrycheesecakeawasoe

11 Wear more lipstick

I love lipstick, I think it looks great on me. It makes me feel super bad ass but I rarely wear it because of my stupid anxiety. I always feel like people are judging me when I wear it. So now that I’m trying to care less about what people think of me I want to wear as much lipstick as I possibly can!!!

lipstickawasoe

12 Do more artsy things

I just painted a few days ago for the first time in about a year and it made me realize just how much I missed doing artsy things. When I had really bad insomnia in high school and middle school I used to stay up until two or three in the morning and just paint or draw or color and I really really miss just being so uninhibited with my artwork. I want to do more collages and paintings and use the adult coloring books I have.

13 Be cleaner and more organized

I have lost my student ID more times than I can count just because I put it wherever I please instead of keeping it in one specific spot. I have also run out of mugs (which is a feat for me because I have about 10 at school) just because I haven’t done dishes for so many days. I want to live with less clutter. So along with this I want to try and minimize my belongings. I’ve already done so with my books which is a pretty big deal for me.

14 Go on adventures

I want to be spontaneous and go hiking and just have fun.

hikingawasoe

15 Save money

Kind of self explanatory. I spend too much money, should save some more than I do. So I also need to learn how to budget.

16 Read more widely

I’ve really developed a wider reading range recently and I’d like to continue to read different genres and authors and learn things and be different from my younger only reads dystopian novels self.

bookandcoffeeawasoe

17 Treat others better

Tell people when I’m thinking of them. Bake cookies for my friends when they’re stressed out. Help people when they’re down on their luck.

I basically just want to be more consistent and have more fun this year. That’s basically it.

What do you all want to do this year?

Hello, 2016!

Looking back at my horrible attempt at Blogmas I realize that I really shouldn’t have tried to take that on. But hey!, At least I got some posts on here after many weeks of being absent!

Now that we’ve made it to 2016 I’m not saying it’s going to be a resolution of mine to write a certain amount of blog posts each week or even each month. Instead, I want to focus on making blog posts that I am proud of. I want to start taking pictures again and really making content that I look back on and know that I put my all into it.

I’d like to spend some time over my winter break working on posts and taking the time to work on this blog and put the effort into it that it deserves.

I hope you all had wonderful holiday celebrations and a happy new year. I’ll talk to you soon.