Author Adventures: I Don’t Like My Writing

I think that one of the biggest reasons that I really haven’t pursued writing a full length novel is because I actually hate my writing. And yes, most of that reasoning is simply because I think that nothing I ever create is good enough to be shown to other people, but there are also a lot of things about my writing that I could improve upon.

I have always, always discouraged myself from pursuing creative careers.

“There are too many artists”

“Your work isn’t good enough to ever make you money”

“You would never succeed, you’ll be broke for the rest of your life”

These are just a few of the thoughts that would go through my mind when I would consider pursuing something creative for my future career. All of these thoughts and more are still incredibly prevalent when I think about what I want to do with my future. Though I have finally decided upon what I really want to go for school for I still question whether or not I’m truly making the right decision. But that’s a discussion for a different day. Art classes ruined my creativity for the most part (I talked about that more in depth in this post) and I’m not sure if I would ever feel confident enough in my creative work to pursue it as a career.

When I think about writing I think that there is no way anyone could ever possibly be interested in what I’m writing. And eventually, with every story that ever comes to my mind, I turn away from it. I shut the file or the notebook and I push the ideas to the side and never return to them.

My writing, to me, is too childish, there’s too much detail, not enough detail, the plot makes no sense, it’s not unique enough. I mean the list goes on! My motivation for writing can disappear so quickly that it’s discouraging. I want to write but most of the time I feel like there truly is no point in doing so. And then, when it comes to writing novels I always write a number of pages and then stop because I just can’t keep the plot going.

Sometimes I really wish that I had either a co-author to help me with longer stories or just someone who would help to push me to write more. But I really don’t have anyone who could do that so it sucks.

I, in all honesty, really wish that I had more confidence in my work. But I think everything I do sucks. Even these blog posts never truly live up to my expectations. Sometimes I really wonder if I even want to continue writing because who will ever read my work even if I do get it published someday?

And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed the 2 readers I have with my depressing post, I bid you good day. Talk to ya next time.

 

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Author Adventures: I Think I’m Writing A Book

I have long dreamed of being a published author. Like this is a dream that goes all the way back to elementary school. Back in high school I discovered NaNoWriMo and I attempted it every year for five years straight! And for all five of those years that I tried I failed miserably each time. I even tried out Camp NaNoWriMo on a few occasions and shockingly I failed all of those attempts too.

Some of those failed attempts included multiple contemporary romance books filled with extreme teen angst and a book about a girl who found out that she was cloned by her “real” mother because that woman’s “original” daughter had died. I’ve gone back and forth between working on contemporary books and fantasy based books and I’ve often thought about writing nonfiction or even historical fiction. When it comes to writing anything other than fantasy though I get nervous about doing research. I do realize that research is a part of writing but dang does it stress me out! I mean now that I’m not in school I could dedicate more time to research things but it still just weighs me down.

I’ve come decently close to finishing a nonfiction book that I wrote a few summers ago, I got about halfway through it before realizing I had nothing more to write about. I would love to revisit it eventually but I would have to change the entire infrastructure of the book and I’m not sure if I’m willing to overhaul it quite yet.

I also started at least one, if not two, writing projects with an ex of mine that were going well. It was actually pretty beneficial to me to have someone else to write with because it helped keep the story going when I got stuck; as soon as I didn’t have something to write about he would jump in and so on.┬áBut now I am writing by myself and because of that I have no idea if any of the small tidbits of stories that I have in my brain will ever come to fruition or if I’ll just have folders upon folders of Scrivener documents that never make it past chapter three. Knowing me, there will definitely still be folders upon folders but I’m hoping that in documenting my writing process that maybe I’ll hold myself accountable enough to write more than the bare minimum.

So as an end to this introduction to yet another new series on my blog I would just like to say welcome to my descent into madness, if there is never another post to this series you will know I gave up… again. Anyways, here’s to hoping this will end in me becoming a published author! I’ll chat with you about my potential projects in the next post. Have a great day everyone!