Guilt and Burnout

So I decided to take a break.

And it wasn’t because this blog made me feel burnt out or stressed. In fact, I have so many post ideas for this blog that I’m a little overwhelmed! However, this blog doesn’t provide me with any income and because of that, I work full time outside of putting effort into this blog. And the longer that I work my full time job, the more I’m feeling burnt out on anything that actually brings me joy.

My acid reflux is back, to the point where I can’t even bend over when I wake up in the morning or I risk throwing up (sorry if that’s TMI). I’m also falling asleep before 8:30 almost every single night. Literally nothing is bringing me joy (like I got accepted into an online college program and I cried because I was scared over how I’m going to balance full time work and full time school instead of getting excited over finally going back to school). So I got burnt out and this blog took the brunt of that. And I felt guilty, so so guilty over taking a break because this was the last thing that I wanted to take a break with. If anything, I need a break from my full time job! But that will never happen…

It’s frustrating to feel guilty over needing a break. But I don’t know what else to do. I’ll be starting classes at the end of August and I know that school needs to be a priority, but I also really need the income that my full time job provides. I’m at a crossroads that looks like the only choice that works is to let myself continue to get burnt out and continue to be exhausted and sad all the time because I can’t prioritize my happiness. And I know that sounds awful but I have no idea what else to do.

I’ve been off this blog for almost two weeks and it would be so easy to just continue to not post. Like that would be so easy, but that’s not what I want to do. I just finished rereading The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan and was so inspired to start writing again but when everything else in my life piles up I just break.

I really miss when seeing my “path” was easy. I miss having simple choices and being inspired and joyful. It’s been a long time since then.

So anyways, to make a long story short. I’m back. (LOL how many times have you heard that line from me??) I’ve got a number of posts I’ll be working on this weekend, I’m planning on spending most of Saturday at the library since I have to register for classes too. I just really hope that something magically happens that makes every decision clear to me in the next few weeks.

Thanks for reading my drama. Happy Friday.

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