I think that one of the biggest reasons that I really haven’t pursued writing a full length novel is because I actually hate my writing. And yes, most of that reasoning is simply because I think that nothing I ever create is good enough to be shown to other people, but there are also a lot of things about my writing that I could improve upon.
I have always, always discouraged myself from pursuing creative careers.
“There are too many artists”
“Your work isn’t good enough to ever make you money”
“You would never succeed, you’ll be broke for the rest of your life”
These are just a few of the thoughts that would go through my mind when I would consider pursuing something creative for my future career. All of these thoughts and more are still incredibly prevalent when I think about what I want to do with my future. Though I have finally decided upon what I really want to go for school for I still question whether or not I’m truly making the right decision. But that’s a discussion for a different day. Art classes ruined my creativity for the most part (I talked about that more in depth in this post) and I’m not sure if I would ever feel confident enough in my creative work to pursue it as a career.
When I think about writing I think that there is no way anyone could ever possibly be interested in what I’m writing. And eventually, with every story that ever comes to my mind, I turn away from it. I shut the file or the notebook and I push the ideas to the side and never return to them.
My writing, to me, is too childish, there’s too much detail, not enough detail, the plot makes no sense, it’s not unique enough. I mean the list goes on! My motivation for writing can disappear so quickly that it’s discouraging. I want to write but most of the time I feel like there truly is no point in doing so. And then, when it comes to writing novels I always write a number of pages and then stop because I just can’t keep the plot going.
Sometimes I really wish that I had either a co-author to help me with longer stories or just someone who would help to push me to write more. But I really don’t have anyone who could do that so it sucks.
I, in all honesty, really wish that I had more confidence in my work. But I think everything I do sucks. Even these blog posts never truly live up to my expectations. Sometimes I really wonder if I even want to continue writing because who will ever read my work even if I do get it published someday?
And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed the 2 readers I have with my depressing post, I bid you good day. Talk to ya next time.