17 Things I Want To Do In 2017

I have never followed through on resolutions. Never! Not once! So I’ve decided to make a big resolution to never make another resolution. Instead I am going to make a list of 17 things that I would like to do in 2017.

 1 Blog consistently

I’m horrible at being a blogger. That’s pretty obvious to me, so this year I’d like to try and blog at least five days a week. I want to act like this is a job!

2 Crochet

I am in the process of opening an Etsy shop of crocheted items that I have made. Obviously in order to do this, I need to crochet things. I need to make things and I need to crochet every single day.

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3 Take more pictures

I just want the memories.

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4 Journal more

I’m working on a post about reasons to start journaling and I realized just how awful I am at journaling consistently so on top of blogging consistently, I would also like to journal consistently (every day would be amazing but I’d be happy with a few times a week, even just once week where I sat down and got out all my craftiness and emotions out would be awesome).

5 Workout

Starting off today I’m doing a 30 day workout calendar from Blogilates with my boyfriend and I’m hoping the two of us can hold each other accountable and workout a lot this year. We both really want to get into shape and I’m hoping by doing it together we’ll actually follow through.

6 Culture myself

Hahaha. Well I really just want to go to more museums, look at more art, go to London (hopefully!!). Hmmm. Yeah, that’s about it, I just want to appreciate stuff more. I want to go to plays and learn about history and people.

7 Go on a road trip!

Summer road trip to Seattle is currently being planned!

8 Meal plan

I’m one person. I hate making food for myself. I know that I need to take better care of myself and eat better and it’s so difficult for me because of all the food issues I have. I want to start meal planning and using the groceries I buy and really experiencing and enjoying food.

9 Develop an evening routine

Most nights this past semester have involved me working on homework until around midnight and then falling into bed and looking at my phone for over an hour until I’m finally tired enough to fall asleep (this “routine” also usually involved me forgetting to brush my teeth or take my makeup off). I want to have a routine that will help me wind down and maybe help with my insomnia some.

10 Cook more

This goes along with the meal planning. I started off the school year cooking a lot and I really enjoyed it! But then I started a second job for about a month and began to live off of granola bars and microwaveable meals which spiraled into me redeveloping some poor food habits and ended with me kind of never eating or eating really poorly. So I would like to cook more meals, I have a Pinterest board of recipes collecting dust and I intend to change that this next semester.

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11 Wear more lipstick

I love lipstick, I think it looks great on me. It makes me feel super bad ass but I rarely wear it because of my stupid anxiety. I always feel like people are judging me when I wear it. So now that I’m trying to care less about what people think of me I want to wear as much lipstick as I possibly can!!!

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12 Do more artsy things

I just painted a few days ago for the first time in about a year and it made me realize just how much I missed doing artsy things. When I had really bad insomnia in high school and middle school I used to stay up until two or three in the morning and just paint or draw or color and I really really miss just being so uninhibited with my artwork. I want to do more collages and paintings and use the adult coloring books I have.

13 Be cleaner and more organized

I have lost my student ID more times than I can count just because I put it wherever I please instead of keeping it in one specific spot. I have also run out of mugs (which is a feat for me because I have about 10 at school) just because I haven’t done dishes for so many days. I want to live with less clutter. So along with this I want to try and minimize my belongings. I’ve already done so with my books which is a pretty big deal for me.

14 Go on adventures

I want to be spontaneous and go hiking and just have fun.

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15 Save money

Kind of self explanatory. I spend too much money, should save some more than I do. So I also need to learn how to budget.

16 Read more widely

I’ve really developed a wider reading range recently and I’d like to continue to read different genres and authors and learn things and be different from my younger only reads dystopian novels self.

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17 Treat others better

Tell people when I’m thinking of them. Bake cookies for my friends when they’re stressed out. Help people when they’re down on their luck.

I basically just want to be more consistent and have more fun this year. That’s basically it.

What do you all want to do this year?

Depression SUCKS

I have depression.

I mean that’s kind of obvious from the title, probably anyways.

So yeah, I have depression. I’ve had it for most of my life, but I only started seeking treatment for it within the last year.

Over the summer I was at a pretty high point. My anxiety was controlled for the first time ever and I felt like I was finally living life. I did have low points, that’s for sure, but for the most part my life was one giant high point in my depression.

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That’s me, last summer, I was so incredibly happy with who I was, I felt good! I was gaining confidence, I was working to become the person I wanted to be…

Then the school year started and I fell into a depressive episode that has barely lifted since September. And let me tell you, depression SUCKS. For almost the entirety of fall semester I did nothing but go to class and work and I barely did any homework. Thanks to the fact that I took such bad care of myself and stopped taking my anxiety medication my anxiety came back and I feel like that’s the ONLY reason that I passed my classes this semester.

I got sucked into this mindset that I wasn’t depressed enough to be depressed. When I say I passed my classes I mean I got straight A’s (minus one B). I missed two work shifts all semester, once for being sick and once for a final. I went to most of my classes, though I did skip some, compared to missing only one class at all last year this was not normal for me.

I’ve never gotten this low with my depression before and I hate it. I hate who I’ve become and it’s hard to look at myself and compare who I was just a few months ago to who I am now.

I want to get better and I’m trying. But the thing about depression is that sometimes it just sucks you down and it won’t let go. I have days here and there where my brain isn’t fuzzy, where I’m not irritable and hostile, where I find myself smiling genuinely and I truly feel like I’ve finally reached the other end of this chasm that I’ve fallen into. But I barely go four days at a time where I feel like this.

I’ve never spilled this much of my mind on a public platform. I’m not that type of person. I’ve never admitted publicly that I am depressed. That I have so many problems with myself; my mental health and my body. I am not a happy person right now. I’m lost and I’m suffering. I want to change, I really do. So here’s to 2017: I hope I can change.

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PS: I am starting a new category on my blog, titled Year of You. I’m going to use this as a way to track my progress mentally and physically as I work through a lot of stuff in this upcoming year.

Hello World… 2.0

Dear World,

My name is Amelia, and I’m a people pleaser. I always have been and I think I’ve finally realized just how much that has hurt me in life. I don’t do anything, or almost anything, without getting some sort of “okay” from someone else.

I don’t talk about controversial or inappropriate things, I don’t follow my own style, I try to go with the flow of everyone else. I am a trained chameleon. I am very, very good at being a chameleon. Most people would describe me as quiet. Now, I have a lot of opinions, in fact my mind is a very loud place to be, there’s hardly ever any silence in there.

Now that it’s a new year, I’m going to be very cliche and reintroduce myself because “new year, new me” ya know?

Recently I died my hair lavender and chopped off about six inches, it’s now shoulder length and I love it. People look at me weird and honestly I don’t even care anymore. I’ve wanted to do this for years.

My blog has often been neglected for months at a time and a big reason for that is because I feel like I have to blog about certain things. Now though, I really want to dedicate my blog to things that I want to talk about. If I post two book reviews in a row, so be it. If there aren’t any pictures, so be it. If I want to be pessimistic, SO BE IT.

So hello world, again. I hope that my blog is a thing you’d like to read. I’m sure with all of my interests you’ll find something to read!

You Eat What?

I’m attempting to develop a plant based diet.

I’ve eliminated 95% of the meat from my diet (I really only eat it when I go out to eat and on occasion I eat it when I’m home because I can’t afford to feed myself year round and my family doesn’t always make stuff that can easily be made vegan/vegetarian). I have cut out all dairy products from my diet except for cheese. And I don’t eat eggs!

I’ve found that it’s been really easy for me to transfer to a plant based diet. A lot easier than I expected it to be. It’s a slow transition but I’m really glad that I’ve chosen to make this transition. I think I’ve made a lot of progress for having only made this decision back in August.

I decided to make this decision because of ethical and environmental issues. And I know most people would suggest a bunch of different documentaries to watch, but I haven’t watched them because I’m honestly too scared to actually see the reality of what is happening to our planet. So instead of suggesting a bunch of documentaries I’m going to share some videos with you that I enjoy as well as some people who are very inspirational to me.

This video by Lucy is great!

Marissa decided to try the 30 day vegan challenge months ago and now has been vegan ever since. I love watching her “what I eat in a day” videos as well as her grocery hauls.

If you really want some high expectations and awesome recipes I really recommend Niomi’s videos.

The last person I want to talk about is Caitlin. She is a college student and she has amazing videos about being able to eat vegan on a budget!

So if you don’t think that being vegan is a feasible idea for you I have some other good ideas:

You could try cutting out meat a few different days a week, possibly try Meatless Monday, or only eat meat on the weekends or something.

Go cruelty free with you makeup if you wear it. I’ve been working to make this transition as well.

You can buy more sustainable and recyclable products and avoid things made with leather and fur.

There are a lot of small changes that you can make that can build up to make big changes.

I really urge you all to do your own research and figure out what you want to do with this whole situation. And try some of the recipes in the videos, they’re really great.

Have a good Monday!

A Perfectionist’s Worst Nightmare

Two words: group projects.

I have never liked group projects. When I was a kid, I used to just refuse to participate (and by refuse to participate I mean I just didn’t talk or contribute creative ideas, I still ended up doing most of the work).

I thought that once I hit college then maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with group projects as often… But boy was I wrong. Here at CSS I think I’ve done more group work and discussions than I ever did in high school and I still despise them so, so much.

When I do work, I want everything to turn out perfectly. I nitpick things until every detail is just so. I strive to do the best I can and then some. In other words, I want perfection. Group projects throw this off completely. And trust me, I’ve heard all the excuses people make: “it helps you learn how to collaborate”, “it gives you better communications skills and helps you learn how to work with others”, “you get to know more people”, etc, etc. Well, I think this is all a big old lie.

Group projects do nothing for me, in fact, they make me like people less! It drives me crazy that people can just let things go and sacrifice a grade just because they want to be lazy. I always want to take control of the project and just do everything myself because I want everything to turn out to my standards.

Recently, I had a member of a group project tell me: “Oh, if it was a higher stakes assignment I would’ve put more effort into it but since it wasn’t I kind of just let it go.” This really confused me. I can’t put myself into the head of someone who is willing to not put effort into a presentation just because it isn’t worth a lot of points. I mean at the end of a term those few points can really add up to a lot! It could make or break a grade in some cases, I’ve seen it happen.

I like independence. I like being able to do my own work and create things that reflect my effort and my vision. I don’t enjoy being reliant upon others to get to the level that I want my presentations to be at. I don’t like group projects.

Well, now that I’ve effectively brought some angst to your day, I hope you have a great one.

Why I Chose My Majors

So I haven’t quite had the time to sit down and really focus on writing a blog post and I didn’t have any scheduled to automatically post so I decided to let myself take a break from the blog and just start again this week!

So without further ado, I want to talk about why I chose my majors:

History:

First off, I want to share with you a wonderful video about why we should all study the humanities. I thought the information that the information Jean provided was spot on to a lot of my thoughts.

To me, history has always been something that interests me. My favorite books as a kid were Laura Ingalls Wilder’s books and Dear America books. I think I read every single Dear America or spin-off book that my library had growing up. I don’t think I ever really translated this interest into something tangible until I did begin college and had to start thinking about what I really wanted to study. I really found my love for history through my love for reading and I feel like the two can really go hand-in-hand.

I chose history because I believe that you have to learn history to make any progress. You have to learn about the mistakes and the triumphs from the past in order to make better decisions in the future. I can’t even begin to emphasize how important I think it is to learn about this world’s history. I constantly want to be able to learn more because I love learning and I really think that by majoring in history I will get to do that.

Now my second major is communications with a focus in media relations. This one would probably surprise a lot of people because I don’t seem like the type of person who would want to communicate with people for a living.

First semester freshman year I took a communications class, one that was required for all freshmen, and I ended up loving it! I find that when I can completely plan out what I’m going to say and give speeches I really enjoy it. I hate public speaking and yet I love it too.

So the degree in communications that I am shooting for is in I guess what I think of it as, a more advertising/graphic design/media path. It’s definitely my kind of communications path.

I chose this because I really enjoy graphic design and media really interests me. After taking that communications class I knew that this could actually be something that could work for me!

I think if it wasn’t obvious enough, I really just chose my majors because I liked what I would be studying. And that’s exactly why you should choose what you study.

Have a nice night everyone.

Today I Feel… Renewed.

Hi everyone!

I know, long time no talk. I’m not going to make excuses about my absence, although I’m sure not many of you even noticed I was gone. However, I do want to say that I’m back and that I plan on sticking around a little bit better from here on out. I’ve really got no plans on posting, or what I want to talk about, but I do know that I found this platform to be a really enjoyable place to post about my life and the things I enjoy so I figured I’d use this wonderful little blog to share my thoughts with the world.

On Sunday I moved into an apartment here on campus and today I began my sophomore year of college. My second year of college! I’m just as shocked as most of my family is! I feel like just yesterday I was crying in the bathroom on the first day of kindergarten because I got toothpaste all over the front of the dress that I so desperately wanted to wear to school (don’t worry though, I had a matching shirt and skirt and I changed into and it all went swimmingly).

As I begin to write new posts for this blog, I really want to focus on things that I like and I figure my posts are going to end up being incredibly random but hey, that’s my life.

So to finish out this little post, I figured I’d reintroduce myself to you all.

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Hey everyone, my name is Amelia and I’m a student at the College of Saint Scholastic. I’m majoring in history and communications and I really want to become a museum technician or a librarian. I love history, crocheting, coffee, photography, God, my siblings, my boyfriend, books, the great outdoors, and so so much more. I hope that you all enjoy my content, grab some coffee, sit back, and stay awhile. I’d love to chat with you so don’t hesitate to comment on any of my posts. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Morning

As much as I love staying up at night, I think I’ve finally come to realize that I am in fact, a morning person. There’s just something about being up with the sun, watching it rise, it’s absolutely gorgeous. When I’m awake before everyone else and able to take my time to get ready and do my own thing I feel like I start my day off right.

I usually make a cup of coffee first thing when I get up and then I get ready. A lot of times I will try to tell myself that I’ll do homework in the morning (on weekdays) but I usually end up reading a “fun” book instead. Right now I’m reading This Star Won’t Go Out by Esther Earl.

There are a lot of reasons why I love mornings but here are my top ten:

1. Watching the sun rise

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2. Fresh coffee

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3. Reading a fun book with aforementioned coffee

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4. Breakfast food

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5. Reading TheSkimm, I’m not a big fan of watching the news, or reading regular news, but this weekday email news update is really helpful on keeping me up on current events. They explain everything in terms that make sense to me and I love it! Sign up here (http://www.theskimm.com/?r=825f00bb) if you want to check it out!

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6. Fresh air, anyone else agree that the air just seems cleaner in the morning? Totally not true, but I guess because it’s cooler I let myself believe it?

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7. Quiet

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8. When your bed is the perfect temperature to snuggle down in

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9. That wonderful feeling of productivity you get when you look at the clock at see that it’s 9 AM and you’ve already accomplished half your to-do list

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10. I’m putting sunrises again just so I can put another picture of a sunrise in here!

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So what about you guys? Are you morning people? Or night owls? I still feel like I’m kind of in between but I really do appreciate my mornings.

Have a great day everyone!

 

 

Currently…

Reading… My religion textbook. Attempting to work ahead because I have a few very busy weeks ahead of me before I get a break for spring break.

Listening… THE HAMILTON SOUNDTRACK. It’s amazing, just take my word for it, you won’t regret it. A musical about Alexander Hamilton, I may be a history geek but I think anyone could get to love the music, it’s so catchy!

Feeling… Tired yet wide awake. I’m writing this on Friday night in order to get some posts prepared so I can get back into the swing of blogging and I’ve had so much caffeine today but my soul is tired. I need some time to relax and not think about anything but that is a long ways off.

Drinking… Water. I’ve made it a goal of mine starting this week that I want to drink at least 64 oz. of water every single day. So far I’ve done it every day but today I fell behind. I still have another 32 ounces to go and it’s currently almost 8 pm. I’ll get it done, though, even if I have to chug a bunch of water before I go to sleep.

Eating… Not eating anything, but I’m tempted to make myself a bag of popcorn to snack on while I blog and do homework.

Watching… When I have a spare 20 minutes (hahahaha what a joke) I’ve been watching Fuller House. 

Thankful for… Technology and the ability to keep in touch with my best friend, boyfriend, and family even though I’m hundreds of miles away from them.

There’s a  little look into my life at the moment. Busy with school and consumed with coffee and papers and work. Trying to put in the effort to be more mindful. Drinking more water, taking vitamins every day, sleeping at least eight hours a night, and journaling on a regular basis.

I hope you all have a great day, I’ll talk to you next time.

Hello, 2016!

Looking back at my horrible attempt at Blogmas I realize that I really shouldn’t have tried to take that on. But hey!, At least I got some posts on here after many weeks of being absent!

Now that we’ve made it to 2016 I’m not saying it’s going to be a resolution of mine to write a certain amount of blog posts each week or even each month. Instead, I want to focus on making blog posts that I am proud of. I want to start taking pictures again and really making content that I look back on and know that I put my all into it.

I’d like to spend some time over my winter break working on posts and taking the time to work on this blog and put the effort into it that it deserves.

I hope you all had wonderful holiday celebrations and a happy new year. I’ll talk to you soon.