The Neverending Hiatus

I wasn’t sure if I was going to come back to the blog. The longer I went without reading and the longer I went without posting the guiltier I felt. I’ve never quite felt like I belonged in this community so I really considered just disappearing and not coming back. More than once I almost deleted everything.

I started this blog the summer before I went to college. I was 18, almost 19 and excited and anxious about the future that was ahead of me. I never expected to be where I am now and it took me way too long to start taking care of myself and doing the things that I want to do. I got really good at running away from the things I needed to confront and in the end it all caught up to me.

The funny thing about rock bottom is that you never really know what the lowest point is. At least that’s the experience that I had. And the not so funny thing about rock bottom is that being a pessimist makes it incredibly difficult to want to crawl out of the hole. For a really long time I wanted nothing more than to simply stop existing.

Over the years I’ve abandoned a lot of projects and the more I worked on myself the more I got sad about the idea of completely abandoning this blog. I started reading for fun again (ended up marathoning EIGHT of Sarah J. Maas’ books in a week back in March) and when I didn’t feel the looming pressure of having to rate the books and write reviews I actually started to miss blogging.

When it comes to my hobbies I almost always put too much pressure on myself. I need to be good at things, I need to monetize my hobbies, or my worst thought which is that my hobbies aren’t actually worth my time. I used to have so much fun writing blog posts. Some of my older posts like this one on Empowertising involved outside research and I remember how hard I worked on it and how excited I was to finally post it. I really missed that aspect of blogging.

I’ve felt completely lost and utterly stuck for so long. Doesn’t help that it feels like every time I make a bit of progress something else comes up that ends up knocking me further backwards. I’m trying to not get too discouraged because in the end I am finally getting back on a path that I’m excited to be on.

With that being said, I wanted to say that if I find the motivation (or someone to help me with it) my blog is going to get an overhaul in the near future. There’s a lot of housekeeping matters that I’ve put off for too long and I’d rather not dread writing posts because there’s stuff on the back end that still needs to get done. I’m not sure how active I’ll be but I’m looking forward to dipping my toes back into writing again.

In other news, I’m going back to school! I applied to a couple schools back in January after many months of stressing and deliberating over what I wanted to do with my future. The longer I waited the more anxious I got but I finally heard back from my top choice and my transfer application was accepted! It feels like a fresh start and for the first time in a very long time I’m excited. I won’t be starting classes until August but I’m a bit overwhelmed with how short that timespan feels anyways.

As my to do list gets longer I do have to question my want to start blogging again. However I think it’s finally time to end my seemingly neverending hiatus. Plus I should probably have something to do in my free time that isn’t rewatching clips of British panel shows…

If you’ve made it to the end of the post, what’s your favorite book you’ve read recently? I’ve been doing a mix of rereading old favorites and comfort books but also have picked up a number of new books that I’ve really enjoyed. I’m in the middle of reading four or five different books right now and if you have any suggestions for what I should pick up next I’d love some recommendations!

I’ll be back soon with another post and in the meantime I hope y’all are doing well!

Sunday Scaries: Things I Did This Week & Things I Still Need To Do

Another week gone and I feel like I was more productive in this past week than I have been in a while.

Some important things that happened:

I FINISHED MY FIRST SEMESTER BACK AT UNI!!!!!!!! Three classes down and now I have a whole month off!

I started rebranding my Etsy shop, hoping to be able to launch by January.

And last personal thing is that I finally scheduled myself a doctor’s appointment and got all my symptoms written down and tracked so woo hoo for that.

In terms of reading, I finished off one book:

The Luminous Dead!

The Luminous Dead

Here’s the link to my review.

Other blog posts I wrote this week were:

November Wrap-Up/Mini Reviews

The Liebster Award

WWW Wednesday – 12/4

Books I’ve Changed My Ratings For: 2019

Now for my plans for this upcoming week:

Finish making Christmas presents (I’ve made 3 hats and 2 pot holders so far… Which means I have 10 pot holders left to make AND I have to woodburn 4 spoons)

Publish at least 3 blog posts

Read at least 2 books

And last but not least… Clean my room

Random things I’ve been loving this week:

Supernatural! I’ve been rewatching Supernatural because my sister keeps threatening to spoil me. I stopped watching the show back in season 9 because she spoiled me on a character death that shook me and I literally couldn’t bring myself to watch the show again. But now that the show is ending, and I have somehow managed to go many, many years without being spoiled on anything but that one character death, I figured I might as well get caught up in time for the show to be done.

Adore You by Harry Styles

Being warm… Cozy clothes are so nice and the weather was surprisingly mild this past week but now it’s supposed to get really really cold and I’m going to be miss being somewhat warm.

And also my spotify wrap up which is always my fave thing to see

This post was kind of just thrown together but I wanted to start doing a weekly wrap up sort of post that summarized life and blog stuff so we’ll see how this evolves as time goes on!

Hope you all have a great week! I’ll chat with you soon 🙂

The Liebster Award

*It took me three tries to type the title of this post because my computer kept trying to correct it to Lobster Award

What is The Liebster Award?

This information is on The Global Aussie‘s page.

“The Liebster Award is an award that exists only on the internet and is given to bloggers by other bloggers. The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.”

Rules:

  • Say thank you to the person who has nominated you for the Award.
  • Answer the 11 questions the person has asked you
  • Nominate 11 people
  • Ask the people who you have nominated 11 questions

Thank you, Emer, for nominating me for this! I haven’t been very active at all recently and getting this notification just really made my day. Also if you aren’t already following Emer you really should! She’s one of my favorite people in the bookish community and I absolutely love her blog!!

I’m just going to answer the questions that Emer asked me in this post 🙂 Because the social aspect of blogging is making me quite anxious right now so that’s that. Plus I’m not sure if my brain could handle coming up with 11 whole questions!

What is your favourite all time music video? Share a link.

I swear this is like the impossible question!! This is for two reasons: 1. I, uh, don’t really watch music videos? And 2. No seriously, I think I’ve watched three music videos this year and they were all Taylor Swift ones….

One music video that I love is for NaNaNa by My Chemical Romance

My best friend from middle school introduced me to them and this was the first music video I ever watched, she just told me to look up NaNa by My Chemical Romance and all I could think was WTF until I got home and looked it up and found that the song is in fact called NaNa. I also vividly remember this being the exact moment when I realized that I wanted to dye my hair crazy colors. Shockingly I still haven’t gone bright red yet! I just enjoy how cinematic this video is!

Oh and Listen to the Man by George Ezra is a video I watched on repeat for a while.

Also a big, big fan of all Taylor Swift music videos.

AAAAAnd this ASL version of 7 Rings with Nyle DiMarco:

If you could spend a year living in another country where would you choose and why?

I just want to go back to London, yeah not a country but this is my answer so that’s that lol. Just give me a year in London and I will be so happy. Also, I won’t even lie when I say that one of the main reasons is the public transportation. The Tube is everything I could ask for in my daily commute and I would cry tears of joy if I didn’t have to drive on a daily basis. Other reasons are the museums, the food, the parks, the accessibility to live theatre, once again THE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, the list could go on and on and on.

If you could switch places with any character (book, TV show, or film) for a day, who would you switch with and what would you do?

I feel like this is such a random one but I would love to trade places with April from Parks and Rec just so that I could be in the presence of Leslie Knope but I wouldn’t be Leslie so I could still just be incredibly pessimistic and somewhat lazy.

What is the best snack food in your opinion?

Anything cheesy!

Do you like to read the book before you watch its film adaptation?

So this one it actually depends. Which is a big change from what I used to think. If I’m not interested in reading the book I’ll watch the film first. I also enjoy watching plays or classics before reading them because then I find it easier to understand. Also if I think that I can manage reading a book before the film comes out then I will do so, but if I don’t think I can do it in a timely manner I will watch the film in order to reduce the possible spoilers.

What’s on your list of top three books that you have read so far in 2019?

*brain short circuits because I can only pick three books*

Without picking rereads, Eliza and Her Monsters is hands down the top book of the year. And ooh this is so hard! I think I’ll just throw Ninth House and Red, White, and Royal Blue in there as the other two! There are quite a few that are fighting for spots in my top books but I think I have a solid 10!

What are three things you love most about being a member of the online book community (blogs, book twitter, bookstagram, Goodreads etc.)?

The support and encouragement that I have found is one of the greatest things to have come out of this year of blogging. I have had this blog since 2015 and barely used it up until this year. The end of 2018 was the hardest time of my entire life and I genuinely didn’t think that I would be alive to see 2019 or beyond. So to say that I am grateful for the community that I have found here is an understatement. I am so utterly grateful for each and every person that reads my blog. Wow, okay, crying now. But seriously this is such a supportive community and I can go from posting every single day to taking an entire month off and no one bats an eye. I have felt so welcome and encouraged and I couldn’t ask for a better community to be a part of!

Seeing the creativity in others is another thing I love! I so enjoy seeing the post ideas that people come up with. I love seeing what people post on bookstagram and I’ve got to say that the book related memes on Twitter are top notch.

The last thing is the mutual love of books! Growing up I was always so much farther ahead of my peers when it came to reading. In kindergarten I even had my own reading group so that my teacher could push me. My love of books continued to grow but this wasn’t the same for everyone else. I could never gush about books as much as I wanted to and even though my school was quite academic, reading for fun wasn’t really top priority for other people like it was for me. Plus I had and still have very few friends IRL that I can talk to anyways! It wasn’t until I stumbled upon Booktube videos and then expanded into the rest of the online bookish community that I realized just how many people are out there that are so immersed into reading and books. My views have expanded immensely and I’ve learned about so many new books and authors and while at times it can be totally overwhelming I wouldn’t change it!

Do you have a bucket list? If yes, what are the top five items on your list? If not, what do you think would be in your top five?

I don’t have a specific written out bucket list but I do kind of just keep a running list of things I want to do in my lifetime.

Here are five things from that running list:

  • Visit every state park in Minnesota and every national park in the United States
  • Write (and publish) a book
  • Meet Josh Gates (and find Bigfoot with him)
  • See Machine Gun Kelly (or other artist that has music that has had a part in keeping me alive) in concert
  • Hike the Appalachian Trail

If they were making a film of your life who would you like to cast as yourself?

For whatever reason as soon as this question is asked I completely forget every actor that has ever existed except for Emma Watson? The only reason I have for this is because I would like to be Emma Watson.

Other than that, I genuinely have no idea.

What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

Rob a bank. Gotta pay off those debts!!

And then I’d probably just people watch without fear of them realizing I’m staring at them.

If you could pick someone to write and perform a song inspired by you, who would you pick?

I feel like Taylor Swift could do this justice. Or maybe Adele. Basically anyone who does a good job of singing the heartbreaky songs.

Well, I think I answered them all! Now it’s time to go take my finals and celebrate the end of my first semester back in school.

Thanks again, Emer, for nominating me for this!

Hope everyone has a happy Friday!

Sunshine Blogger Award

What a pleasant surprise!! Emer nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award which absolutely made my whole week (still makes me smile even though her post was a while ago… I have just been very behind on any and all posts). She is an absolute gem and if you aren’t following her already you should definitely check out her blog! Thank you, Emer, for the nomination 🙂

What is the Sunshine Blogger Award?

The Sunshine Blogger Award is given to those who are creative, positive and inspiring while spreading sunshine to the blogging community.

How does it work?

  • Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog.
  • Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you.
  • Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

Do you own more than one copy of any book? If yes then what book/s?

I have two copies of most of the books in the Harry Potter series. My paperback ones are incredibly beat up seeing as I’ve read them many, many times since I was 6 so I’ve been trying to get secondhand hardback copies to have ones I can read without fearing they’ll fall apart.

I also have a number of books in both physical format and in ebooks (A few Sarah J. Maas books that I bought to read when I traveled abroad, and also Fangirl).

And, uh, I also have 4(?) copies of Pride and Prejudice even though I still haven’t read it…….

Describe your perfect day.

April 25th

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But really, it would have to be a gloomy fall day. Where the morning starts off foggy and the sun never really comes out of the clouds. You can almost see your breath so all the cozy clothes and accessories are warranted. The ground is covered in soggy leaves and it just rains on and off. I get to aimlessly wander a bookstore and a museum with a nice drink (probably an iced coffee or some chai) and then go home to just sit in bed and read/stream a movie or show that I love.

What attracts you to a book? The cover? Blurb? Recommendation from others?

Cover and title, even though the title really means absolutely nothing to me in the end. I’ve started to just ignore blurbs altogether because I like being surprised by what I’m reading. I’ll read the blurb once to decide if I’m really interested in it or not but then that’s it. I am a sucker for a good cover!!

You are having a dinner party and can invite three famous people (either living or dead) to the party. Who do you invite?

David Tenant, Josh Gates, and Taylor Swift. The closest I have ever gotten to any of them is that my roommate from my London study abroad trip and I stood outside the stage door for a play David Tenant was in and we SAW HIM. IN THE FLESH. He was RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE PEOPLE.

Who is your favourite superhero?

Spiderman, probably. Honestly, I say this because I don’t follow the superhero stuff at all. I have seen very few superhero movies (like less than 10 and uh, one of them is Iron Man 3 but I have not seen the other Iron Man movies)… But I have seen almost all of the Spiderman movies and I love Andrew Garfield and Tom Holland.

Which would you prefer to win: an Oscar or a Grammy?

An Oscar. When I was a kid I actually really wanted to be an actress. I was the lead in two or three plays back in elementary school and I feel like if I hadn’t developed such crippling anxiety that I would have continued to pursue theatre. If I could become an actress, even now, I’d take the opportunity right away. Plus I don’t even think if I was a good singer that I would feel comfortable enough to sing in front of people.

What is the first book that you ever wrote a review for?

On this blog, it was Wild by Nature which I actually won in a Goodreads giveaway forever ago!! On Goodreads, though, I guess it was for this book called Girl in the Arena and all I said was “I can’t even put into words how disappointing this was” so I guess it was really bad lol.

Coca Cola or Pepsi?

Pepsi. Unless I’m getting takeout from McDonald’s because then Coca Cola all the way.

And funny story about Pepsi, when I was living with one of my former roommates we basically lived off of Pepsi products (it was a low point for both of us, caffeine and sugar fueled all our antics). So one day we went to the grocery store and they had a crazy sale on six-packs of the pop but they had limits for how many each person could get (I’m sure you can see where this is going). So we each bought the limit and then went out and ran the rest of our errands and then went back to the grocery store hours later and bought the limit again. I want to say it was like 6 packs per person? So we had like 24 6-packs of Pepsi and Mountain Dew…. This is a lil embarrassing now typing this out lol.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Night owl! Funnily enough I literally just wrote a post about this! I could probably become almost nocturnal if my work schedule let me.

What is your all time favourite quote from a book you loved?

“Stand at the top of a cliff and jump off and build your wings on the way down.”

From Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. This is the only classic that I read in high school that has absolutely stuck with me over the years. There were so many lines in this book that just made me think but I love this quote because it just fits with my horribly chaotic life. Still working on those wings.

What’s the last book you bought (eBook, audiobook or physical book)?

Uhhhh… So I bought 4 books while shopping with my sister the other day. Guts by Raina Telgemeier, The Alice Network by , Pumpkinheads by Rainbow Rowell, and this book about the witches in the Harry Potter series for my sister as an incredibly late birthday/general Halloween present (because I am a GREAT sister).

So with that I am tagging:

Kathryn (K-Specks)

Dana

Nicole

Amanda

Lauren

My questions for y’all if you want to participate are:

  1. What was the book that made you fall in love with reading?
  2. If you had to choose a non-natural color for your hair, what would it be?
  3. What is your favorite holiday?
  4. Do you have any special books in your collection (ex: signed books, special editions, etc)?
  5. If you could get away with one crime, what would it be?
  6. What is a scent that always brings back a good memory?
  7. What is your favorite format to read books in (e-book, audio, hardcover, paperback)?
  8. What makes you laugh until you cry?
  9. If you were a cartoon character, what would your signature outfit be?
  10. Who is a person you admire and why?
  11. What’s the weirdest fun fact that you know?

 

 

On Being A Night Owl

Since the end of January now I’ve been working a full time job that requires me to be there at 7 AM Monday-Friday. If all of my posts on burnout and stress over the past few months weren’t an indication enough, I’m not a huge fan of my hours. And don’t get me wrong, for the most part my job is actually pretty great (apart from customers who make me cry and sexually harass me…) and the hours help me avoid having to drive during rush hour but I am not and in no way will I ever be a morning person.

Over the years I have definitely strived to be a morning person, oh I’ve tried so much, but it just doesn’t happen. I can get up comfortably at like 8 or 9 but before that I am one cranky person. Ever since I was a baby I didn’t sleep well at night and over the years that just kind of stuck. I’m actually a big fan of calm and peaceful mornings, cozy beds and big cups of coffee, but it takes a lot of effort in order to be truly productive in the morning. Being awake with enough time to do a full face of makeup and eat breakfast are great but also sleep is much better. Honestly, most mornings I roll out of bed with about twenty minutes to get out the door. I usually do my makeup in my car in the parking lot when I get to work!

At night is when I truly find my energy. It honestly really sucks because I tend to get my energy up right around dinnertime and then almost immediately have to force myself to go to bed. This summer sucked because I was in bed before the sun set most days 😦

I truly love the weekends even when it does completely screw up my sleep schedule. The freedom to stay up as late as I want is amazing. I get so much reading done! I love the peacefulness of a setting sun… When it comes to sunrises now I just get stressed out, it feels like there’s too much that must get done and I have to start rushing. A sunset indicates the end of the day and time to finally enjoy some peace.

I definitely don’t think that I could ever be nocturnal (tried it once, slightly enjoyed it but going to work at 8 PM did get quite stressful) but I feel like I thrive in the dark. Which makes work suck even more because while I enjoy getting 8-9 hours of sleep every night, I feel like I’m missing out on so much of my “me-time”. I genuinely miss staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning working on crazy craft projects or watching TV or reading.

And now, thinking back on high school… I have to wonder how I ever survived it. I would stay up until 3 AM multiple nights a week and then be up and in class by 8:30 AM and then straight to work a few days a week until 7 PM and so on and so forth. Also I really wonder where I would be right now if I had actually channeled all those late nights into something productive instead of just screwing around on Tumblr and YouTube… I guess I did cry over physics homework a lot too but still. Imagine the potential I had that I just wasted!

So I guess this post was just me lamenting about how much I miss being able to stay up late… Those were good times and I really can’t wait to have a different job where I can go back to all my late night shenanigans with no issues. Oh the qualms of a night owl who has to fit herself into a early bird box *cries forever*

The Books That Shaped Me: Part 3

I honestly thought that I would only be doing one post for this series but the more that I thought about all the books that have meant so much to me over the years, the more that I realized there were way more than could fit into one post.

Part 1 consisted of the books that I read throughout elementary school. Part 2 was all the books that I read throughout middle school. And now this post, Part 3, is going to showcase all the books that I read throughout high school. There could possibly be a Part 4 someday with books that I read in college (my first attempt at college anyways) but I’ll have to see, I might also lump a few of them into the end of this post because there really weren’t many that I read. Homework kinda got to me and I avoided reading so much!

So high school was when I discovered BookTube and Goodreads. I joined Goodreads in November of 2011 when I was a freshman.

Books by Sarah Dessen

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Her books are some of my favorite YA contemporary books and whenever I need something happy to read I pick up one of hers. I haven’t read all of her books yet but I’m working on it. She and Maureen Johnson are two of my absolute favorite authors and I will probably buy every single one of their publications from here on out.

The Top 8 series, which then turned into my love for Morgan Matson starting with Amy and Roger’s Epic Detour

I don’t even remember why I got the Top 8 series, I’m sure I had a gift card to Barnes and Noble, looked inside, liked the formatting and then bought all of them. But the Top 8 series were written under Matson’s pen name, Katie Finn. I’m not even sure when I found out that Finn was Matson but I remember being absolutely shocked because I had had books under both of her names for years before ever realizing.

Dystopian Books: Hunger Games, Delirium, Shatter Me, Divergent)

I would honestly be shocked by anyone who was into reading from around 2012-2014

Smile by Raina Telgemeier

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Her books introduced me to graphic novels! And boy did I reread Smile so many times, like I would be genuinely interested to see just how many times I checked it out from the library back then before I owned my own copy of it!

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

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Oh good ole TFIOS. I don’t think I could make a post about books I read in high school without mentioning this gem. This was also the first ever signed book that I owned and I literally shrieked and danced around my kitchen when I saw that that’s what my grandma had managed to purchase.

The Possession of Cassie Quinn by Kathryn Knutson

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My sister bought this book at a local bookstore in the town that my grandparents live near. After she read it, I picked it up and I loved it. I’ve read both this book and her second book and I’m so glad that I liked them because I love having the opportunity to support a Minnesotan author.

It took me a really long time growing up to get into horror things. I mean, I used to be terrified by the show Ghost Hunters and either had to leave the room or put on headphones to block out the noise. I was scarred pretty early on in life by the movie Arachnaphobia and while I’m still terrified by spiders, other horror stuff doesn’t really scare me anymore. I love the spooky stuff.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

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This was one of the only classics that I was forced to read in high school that I genuinely enjoyed. The story sticks with me even to today and there are just so many quotes from this that make me feel all the feels.

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

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And this one is not on here for a good reason. I HATE this book, like it is one classic that I genuinely despise. I usually dislike classics for one reason or another (most of the time being that I have the hardest time reading them) but I actually have a deep seated hatred of Great Expectations. I’m now kind of fuming right now just thinking of it and almost want to write an entire blog post dedicated to my hatred of this book.

Quiet by Susan Cain

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I read this book so that I could write a paper about it in my tenth grade English class. I have absolutely no recollection what that paper was about but

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

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One of the first books I’ve ever read where I saw myself. It hurt. It’s still absolutely everything to me.

Anna and the French Kiss/The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight/My Life Next Door

I also started to get really into YA contemporaries when I was in high school. I bought Anna and the French Kiss at a Borders Books store on the way back from New York one summer (does anyone else fondly think of Borders? I might like it too much because I don’t have any access to small book stores and I’ve never been a big fan of Barnes and Noble). I even saved the sticker from AatFS because I wanted to preserve the last Borders purchase I ever made.

Anyways, I very quickly fell in love with the contemporaries that I read. The idea of having an open ended happy ending just made my heart happy. I devoured happy endings as much as I could, breaking my own single little heart time and time again. I pretended that they taught me a lot about what I wanted in relationships and in guys.

So overall, my reading in high school was full of contemporaries, classics (forced reading), and dystopian. I definitely started to hone in on my favorites and began to read a bit more critically than I had in the past.

Now that I’ve written about a lot of the books that have shaped my reading and myself over the entire course of my life, I’ve started to think about a new series of posts. I would really like to start rereading some of the books featured on these posts and discuss them now. Why I loved them when I first read them, why I still love them today (or not love them depending), and if they still hold up today. I’ll preface it all by saying that I almost always fail with my post series though so we shall see how far this idea takes me.

What were some of your favorite books in your teenage years?

 

FOMO In The Book Community

So unrelated but also sort of related… I finally took the Enneagram test the other day and it was revealed unto me that I am a Type 6 and ooooohhhh boy did I feel SEEN when I read the description for the type.

Now the biggest thing with being a Type 6 is that I’m scared. Of everything. Like wow, this has never made more sense to me in my entire life! And right now, one of the things that I’m really struggling with is FOMO. And this post will specifically talk about FOMO in the book community that has been created online.

I would absolutely love to start a BookTube channel but I feel as if I could never gain momentum in such a vast community. I also feel like this blog will never gain momentum, nor will my Twitter or Goodreads. I just feel like I’ll be stuck within this tiny little bubble writing for the two people who seem to read all of my posts.

And yes, I’m well aware that I don’t need a vast amount of followers or anything like that but I have a lot of opinions that I want to share and I want them to be seen widely! So right now I’m struggling with a lot of FOMO regarding the online book community. I think part of this is having seen so many posts about this most recent BEA and Book Con but also just because I’ve been following an increasing number of bookish people on Twitter and I always want to participate in conversations but I almost feel like I don’t have the right to just reply to these public tweets.

I started filming clips to try and make a reading vlog a few weeks back and I keep trying to tell myself to film because I know that I’ll have fun editing the footage once I actually film stuff. I took a film production class back when I was still in school and I had so much fun creating videos and I miss that aspect of being creative. Digital art is how I started off feeling like I was good at being creative and I want to start that up again. At this point I don’t think that I’ll ever feel confident enough to post anything to YouTube and that makes me sad.

For once I just want to feel like I’m part of a community instead of only sitting on the sidelines. My whole life I’ve been on the sidelines. Every friend I’ve had has always had someone that they’re closer to, every group I’ve been in I feel uncomfortable for one reason or another. I constantly feel like the odd one out and it sucks.

But despite all of this, I’m going to continue to persevere and maybe someday I’ll find a bit of a community for myself. That’s all I can hope for.

Also, on a side note, I hit 100 followers on here and I just wanted to say that I am so very thankful for everyone that has chosen to follow me since I began this blog back in 2015. It’s been quite the journey since then and I wanted to genuinely thank you for sticking with me no matter how long you’ve been a follower. Thank you!!

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Books That Shaped Me: Part 2

This is a continuation of my list of books that shaped me that I started in this post. These books in this post though are going to be ones that I read a little later in my reading “career”. Basically that means that these are the books that I was completely obsessed with while I was in middle school.

Books by Jodi Picoult

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I think the first book I ever read by her was The Pact and the Between the Lines books she wrote with her daughter are still some of my favorites!

Books by Maureen Johnson

I need to get her Truly Devious series still!! She is an auto-buy author of mine and also one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter.

The House of Night series by P.C. and Kristin Cast

houseofnightbooks

One of the girls who was in my middle school friend group recommended these to me and we both obsessed over them for most of eighth grade. Like we were reaaaally obsessed.

Twilight

twilight

Except I had the lovely movie cover mass market paperback edition from my grandma lol. And to this day I only like the first two books!!

Graceling

graceling

My grandma bought me this book and Twilight for Christmas when I was in seventh grade. I think I read both of them before I even left my grandma’s house that winter break. Though I’m not a huge fan of the two other books in this series Graceling is still up there as a favorite.

The Gallagher Girl series by Ally Carter

gallaghergirls

I got the third book in this series without realizing that it was the third one (I feel like this happened to me a lot with series when I was a kid… But a lot of books I read were okay to be read out of order so I guess I never really thought about it a lot.) and then had to go back and get the other ones. I really want to reread this to see how it stands up today!! I know my library has all the books so maybe I’ll work through those this summer.

The Mother-Daughter Book Club series by Heather Vogel Frederick

motherdaughterbookclub

You guys!! I didn’t realize that there was a seventh book!! I need to get this now to complete my collection! I really want to reread this series this summer too. I love these books!

The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart

themysteriousbenedictsociety

Books by Ellen Hopkins

ellenhopkinsbooks

I don’t really read her books anymore, they just make me sad. But I loved how they were written in verse because it made them so quick to read. I do want to reread some of them though. Especially the Crank books because those were the first ones of hers that I read and I’m not sure if I’ve reread them at all since the first time.

I think through middle school and into high school I started to read a lot of “darker” books. Like Ellen Hopkins and I mean even Jodi Picoult has very heavy themes in her books. There are a number of books that I really liked to read that I will not be sharing because I just feel like they’re unsuitable to share. I’ve moved past that stage and that’s all I’m going to say.

So I think that’s a pretty comprehensive list of books that I read in my middle school years! And I figured I’d share this video with you guys from the YouTuber BooksAndLala because she’s started to do a series where she’s reading specific books that she loved during certain years when she was a kid!

I’m going to try and make a third and final post in this series with books that I read in high school. A lot of stuff I read in high school was more rereading stuff I’d already read and lots of reading slumps from having to read so much for school already. Hopefully I can throw together at least a few more books to share though! Also I have to ask, who else had a Twilight phase? Still can’t believe how much I loved that book! Now I just love to laugh at it. Anyways, enough from me, have nice day everyone!

 

17 Things I Want To Do In 2017

I have never followed through on resolutions. Never! Not once! So I’ve decided to make a big resolution to never make another resolution. Instead I am going to make a list of 17 things that I would like to do in 2017.

 1 Blog consistently

I’m horrible at being a blogger. That’s pretty obvious to me, so this year I’d like to try and blog at least five days a week. I want to act like this is a job!

2 Crochet

I am in the process of opening an Etsy shop of crocheted items that I have made. Obviously in order to do this, I need to crochet things. I need to make things and I need to crochet every single day.

crochetingawasoe

3 Take more pictures

I just want the memories.

aftonawasoe

4 Journal more

I’m working on a post about reasons to start journaling and I realized just how awful I am at journaling consistently so on top of blogging consistently, I would also like to journal consistently (every day would be amazing but I’d be happy with a few times a week, even just once week where I sat down and got out all my craftiness and emotions out would be awesome).

5 Workout

Starting off today I’m doing a 30 day workout calendar from Blogilates with my boyfriend and I’m hoping the two of us can hold each other accountable and workout a lot this year. We both really want to get into shape and I’m hoping by doing it together we’ll actually follow through.

6 Culture myself

Hahaha. Well I really just want to go to more museums, look at more art, go to London (hopefully!!). Hmmm. Yeah, that’s about it, I just want to appreciate stuff more. I want to go to plays and learn about history and people.

7 Go on a road trip!

Summer road trip to Seattle is currently being planned!

8 Meal plan

I’m one person. I hate making food for myself. I know that I need to take better care of myself and eat better and it’s so difficult for me because of all the food issues I have. I want to start meal planning and using the groceries I buy and really experiencing and enjoying food.

9 Develop an evening routine

Most nights this past semester have involved me working on homework until around midnight and then falling into bed and looking at my phone for over an hour until I’m finally tired enough to fall asleep (this “routine” also usually involved me forgetting to brush my teeth or take my makeup off). I want to have a routine that will help me wind down and maybe help with my insomnia some.

10 Cook more

This goes along with the meal planning. I started off the school year cooking a lot and I really enjoyed it! But then I started a second job for about a month and began to live off of granola bars and microwaveable meals which spiraled into me redeveloping some poor food habits and ended with me kind of never eating or eating really poorly. So I would like to cook more meals, I have a Pinterest board of recipes collecting dust and I intend to change that this next semester.

blueberrycheesecakeawasoe

11 Wear more lipstick

I love lipstick, I think it looks great on me. It makes me feel super bad ass but I rarely wear it because of my stupid anxiety. I always feel like people are judging me when I wear it. So now that I’m trying to care less about what people think of me I want to wear as much lipstick as I possibly can!!!

lipstickawasoe

12 Do more artsy things

I just painted a few days ago for the first time in about a year and it made me realize just how much I missed doing artsy things. When I had really bad insomnia in high school and middle school I used to stay up until two or three in the morning and just paint or draw or color and I really really miss just being so uninhibited with my artwork. I want to do more collages and paintings and use the adult coloring books I have.

13 Be cleaner and more organized

I have lost my student ID more times than I can count just because I put it wherever I please instead of keeping it in one specific spot. I have also run out of mugs (which is a feat for me because I have about 10 at school) just because I haven’t done dishes for so many days. I want to live with less clutter. So along with this I want to try and minimize my belongings. I’ve already done so with my books which is a pretty big deal for me.

14 Go on adventures

I want to be spontaneous and go hiking and just have fun.

hikingawasoe

15 Save money

Kind of self explanatory. I spend too much money, should save some more than I do. So I also need to learn how to budget.

16 Read more widely

I’ve really developed a wider reading range recently and I’d like to continue to read different genres and authors and learn things and be different from my younger only reads dystopian novels self.

bookandcoffeeawasoe

17 Treat others better

Tell people when I’m thinking of them. Bake cookies for my friends when they’re stressed out. Help people when they’re down on their luck.

I basically just want to be more consistent and have more fun this year. That’s basically it.

What do you all want to do this year?

A Perfectionist’s Worst Nightmare

Two words: group projects.

I have never liked group projects. When I was a kid, I used to just refuse to participate (and by refuse to participate I mean I just didn’t talk or contribute creative ideas, I still ended up doing most of the work).

I thought that once I hit college then maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with group projects as often… But boy was I wrong. Here at CSS I think I’ve done more group work and discussions than I ever did in high school and I still despise them so, so much.

When I do work, I want everything to turn out perfectly. I nitpick things until every detail is just so. I strive to do the best I can and then some. In other words, I want perfection. Group projects throw this off completely. And trust me, I’ve heard all the excuses people make: “it helps you learn how to collaborate”, “it gives you better communications skills and helps you learn how to work with others”, “you get to know more people”, etc, etc. Well, I think this is all a big old lie.

Group projects do nothing for me, in fact, they make me like people less! It drives me crazy that people can just let things go and sacrifice a grade just because they want to be lazy. I always want to take control of the project and just do everything myself because I want everything to turn out to my standards.

Recently, I had a member of a group project tell me: “Oh, if it was a higher stakes assignment I would’ve put more effort into it but since it wasn’t I kind of just let it go.” This really confused me. I can’t put myself into the head of someone who is willing to not put effort into a presentation just because it isn’t worth a lot of points. I mean at the end of a term those few points can really add up to a lot! It could make or break a grade in some cases, I’ve seen it happen.

I like independence. I like being able to do my own work and create things that reflect my effort and my vision. I don’t enjoy being reliant upon others to get to the level that I want my presentations to be at. I don’t like group projects.

Well, now that I’ve effectively brought some angst to your day, I hope you have a great one.