Today I Am… Stressed

So I know that I said a while back that I really didn’t want to talk about my mental health on here anymore but I need to talk about the struggles right now. I was having a really hard time coming up with an idea for a blog post today and I just realized that I am so overwhelmingly stressed out right now that I might as well make one of my “feelings” posts.

Right now, I am sitting in my bed with a pounding headache and trying really hard not to cry. I’m super nauseous and ready to crawl into a hole and completely give up.

It’s almost my favorite time of year, so why the horrible stress? Well thanks to my good ole PTSD, I can’t enjoy fall without being constantly stricken by trauma induced stress! Wow, isn’t mental health fun?? /s

I’m realizing now just how traumatic the beginning of the school year has become for me. August-October holds a lot of really bad memories for me and it’s hard to get through a whole day without ending up a complete mess because something triggered me.

Recently I’ve been learning just how badly smells can trigger things. But that’s a topic for a different breakdown…

I had a bunch of assignments due last night (I swear prewriting posts gets so weird because at the time of writing this as mentioned above I was sitting in bed finishing assignments but at the time of posting this I’ll be well into my shift at work) and I just got so overwhelmed that I had to completely bullshit my way through proposing research topics. It’s honestly one of the worst feelings ever right now to realize that I could end up failing this class already because it’s not what I expected it was going to be and unfortunately, it’s required for my degree so I can’t just drop it. My expectations are going down the drain because I’m not interested in the assignments, the idea of doing the work makes me ill, and I already want to drop out again.

I’m so far past burnt out that I think I’m going crazy. I won’t bore you with more of the symptoms that I’m dealing with in regards to my mental illnesses but let me just tell you, they’re not pretty.

And so with that I am going to go try and sleep to get rid of this pounding headache because I know that’s the only thing that will help.

And I will pretend to try and be positive and list five things that I am thankful for right now:

  • Makeup that stays on even when I spend all day crying
  • Cool breezes
  • Taylor Swift
  • Memes
  • The morning show that I listen to on the radio every day

Also if you’ve made it to the end of this post, genuinely thank you for reading my manic breakdown panic. Normally if I go to write a post like this, I type it all out and then immediately delete it. I’m kind of at a point where I’ve been told by everyone to just suck it up and deal with what I’m dealing with because no one wants to hear it? So that’s what I try to do… But it’s really hard to keep everything bottled up and not talk about things. I mean it would probably help if I actually had people to talk to. Yay for having no friends anymore. Anyways, hope you all enjoy your days. TTYL.

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4 thoughts on “Today I Am… Stressed

  1. amanda August 28, 2019 / 8:17 am

    I am so sorry about what you’re going through. please continue to take care of yourself and remember that this is all just temporary. i’ll be thinking of you 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • adventureswithasideofespresso August 28, 2019 / 8:39 am

      Thank you ❤ I've definitely got to take better care of myself but I also know if I don't keep pushing through that I'll end up just giving up. As long as I can keep a good sleep schedule I shouldn't fall apart too much! Fingers crossed anyways!

      Like

  2. alittlehazebookblog August 28, 2019 / 9:05 am

    Sending you all the love and hugs. I hope this time will soon pass but until it does know that you’re not alone in your feelings. Take care of yourself <3333

    Liked by 1 person

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