So I started writing a collection of poetry. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m in that mindset where I feel like this industry is oversaturated with books and that nothing I write could ever contribute to something big. A lot of the poems that I have written are some of the rawest things I’ve ever written. It’s the kind of stuff that usually stays in my journals and never gets past those hand written pages.
And even writing these I wonder what the point in sharing them would be. It’s dark stuff and there’s just a lot of intimate detail about mental health struggles and toxic relationships.
My ultimate goal would be to self publish this collection but I definitely feel the pressure of criticism even though only one poem I’ve written has even made it out into the wild. And trust me, I know that not everything that I say is going to be of the taste of everyone that reads it but I try my best for perfection… Which is obviously impossible.
Honestly this makes me think back to high school during all of my more creatively based classes. Some of these classes I thrived in, though I usually had to force myself to turn in projects because it was never quite good enough for what I wanted to do. But then I took an AP art class my senior year and it completely ruined me. I wrote a post about that a few months ago. The words of that teacher ring through my head constantly when I post something that I am somewhat proud of.
TRITE IT’S TRITE AND NO ONE WILL EVER LIKE IT.
I fucking hate the word trite.
Ever since then I feel like I have been set up for failure. And it doesn’t even matter how much praise I get for the creative work I do, it never feels good enough. I never realized just how much that year of criticism hurt me. It probably doesn’t help that there are hundreds of people out there just looking for things to criticize. Just looking for reasons to cancel people. I’ve been part of book twitter for a while and it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach to see how quickly people will blame someone for something and just want to ruin their whole career. And I feel like I can never speak out about things because I don’t want any backlash.
This is a time of overreaction and not listening to any explanation that anyone could possibly provide. It’s cancel them now and never change your mind. I don’t know, it all just overwhelms me. I’ve been tempted to get rid of all my social media completely but I mean, where else am I supposed to get my daily dose of memes?
And now that I have gone completely off topic of what I was originally writing about…. Yeah, so I’ve been writing a lot of poetry recently and I’d really like to publish it sometime either this fall or maybe this winter. I’ve started working on cover designs and so far I’ve finalized six poems. I’m hoping it turns into something that I feel is worth sharing.