Author Adventures: Camp NaNoWriMo Week 2

I think I’m officially calling it that I’ve failed Camp NaNo yet again. I’ve been sitting at 12,413 words since last Tuesday, I think?

Anyways, I know that I didn’t want to talk about mental health on here anymore but I figured I might as well say that I’ve entered a really bad depressive episode and I just have no motivation to do anything. AKA: What’s the point in writing anything? (It’s not like you’ll ever get published) What’s the point in trying to be happy? (You’re just going to end up sad again) Why bother doing anything? (The world is horrible and we all die in the end anyways).

Sorry if that was really negative but that’s about all I’ve been thinking about. Like I even got to the point with these blog posts that I was writing them the day of trying to get them published before my normal scheduled publishing time. I just started feeling like everything I do is completely pointless and I wanted to give up. So with Camp, I did.

Usually I get a bit more creative when I’m depressed but more recently it just turns me into an unproductive crying mess. Like yesterday I spent hours watching Black Mirror and true crime documentaries and doing crossword puzzles. And then I forced myself to go to bed because I was sad that I hadn’t done anything productive all day.

Things are just going really poorly in my personal life and it’s hard to feel like anything is worth doing because I’m pretty sure I’ll never get out of the hole that I’ve been in for 2+ years.

So yeah, that’s basically what’s been going on. Here’s a really short excerpt from what I have written so far (I know it’s not great):

“I didn’t know what forever felt like until I met you. Forever was a tattoo, a bad decision, something that would ruin my life. I never knew that forever could be home. That forever could be family.” Alyssa turned towards the rest of us then, I can’t tell if she’s on the verge of sobbing or laughing. Her smile is radiating and Beth grabs onto her hand.

I sit back in my seat, thinking about the concept of forever. I don’t know what I think about forever, the evidence is all around me. Happily ever after runs rampant in my family. Beth and Alyssa are further proof of that. I think about my friends back in Minnesota. Of Carter, Adam, my roommates, and then of Austen. It never occurred to me before that maybe Austen could be a forever. That maybe I had finally met someone that could love me the way that my parents love each other, or the way that Beth and Alyssa love each other. I can’t help but wish that Austen was here with me now, thoughts now wandering to him driving me to the airport when I left for Washington for the wedding. 

He’s my best friend and maybe I love him. Maybe he’s the one I’ve wanted all along. 

Alrighty then, hope y’all have a decent week. Happy writing and all that jazz.

5 thoughts on “Author Adventures: Camp NaNoWriMo Week 2

  1. SJG July 14, 2019 / 12:58 pm

    Hello there. I’m also doing CampNaNoWriMo. I have a chronic health issue and basically couldn’t write last week, so I feel for you. I have just started again but I am behind, of course. I just wrote anything until I could connect with what I needed to do. That worked.

    Watching Black Mirror is still productive. It’s part of your self care and anyway, it’ll seep in somewhere when you return to writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • adventureswithasideofespresso July 26, 2019 / 6:03 pm

      I’ve kind of come to realize that I might not be cut out to write full length novels. At least now anyways. Shorter stuff just comes easier to me. But I managed to write a bit more here and there though I definitely made it nowhere near my goal. Thanks for your comment!

      Like

      • SJG July 27, 2019 / 1:04 am

        It’s such a different discipline isn’t it? I’m writing my first novel and I’m so used to the compact brevity of short stories and the occasional novella that I’m finding it quite a stretch. I suppose we have to crack on with it and see where it gets us. Nothing ventured, and all that.

        Like

      • adventureswithasideofespresso July 27, 2019 / 10:41 am

        I’ve written exactly one short story for a creative writing class in high school and then everything else has just been essays. I think I just need to set this story aside for now and come back to it when I’m feeling a bit more creative again. Outlining it might help too. It’s definitely fun to try though! Good luck with your writing!!

        Like

      • SJG July 27, 2019 / 1:27 pm

        I think you’re right. Good luck to you too!

        Liked by 1 person

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