Let’s Talk Tuesday: Romance Reading & Asexuality

Content warning: Just a heads up, this post does contain discussion about sexual abuse

Before I start the actual topic for the post I wanted to introduce a new series for the blog called Let’s Talk Tuesday. I figured it might be helpful to put all discussion type posts in one place and it would give me a specific day to get these published when I wrote them! And I just randomly picked Tuesday because I liked the way it sounded for my title but I also wanted to shout out another creator who posts on Tuesdays (other days too but I realized my posts might take on a similar nature to her Tuesday videos) and that would be Jess Owens. I have loved watching her Book CommuniTEA videos as well as all her other videos (her Switzerland travel vlog was great and her blindfolded book challenge she made with her husband had me cracking up). Now on to my actual post.

The topic for this post kind of fell into my lap one day and was made even more relevant after some Twitter bullshit from this past weekend. On that day, I was sad and wanted to reread something that would make me feel good and when I went to reread Neon Gods by Katee Robert it hit me that I find a lot of comfort in romance books. Not only that, but those romance books tend to be spicier ones. For example, for years I would always reread A Court of Mist and Fury when I was in the midst of depressive episodes and I also used it to get myself out of more than one reading slump.

I’m on the asexuality spectrum and I was surprised when I realized just how enjoyment I’ve gotten from reading spicy books and fanfiction. And considering I don’t have a great track record with my opinions on romances that often have less explicit scenes I spent some time thinking about it. Why do I find myself enjoying these more explicit books when I have next to no interest in sex? Well, 2 reasons really.

The first reason is that I find the relationships in these books to be a lot happier and I think comforting to read. When I read a more traditional romance I tend to find myself annoyed with the characters more often than not and I find many of the relationships to have an overall lack of chemistry. I know that my opinion tends to lean towards the unpopular side of things when it comes to a lot of these romances (Get a Life, Chloe Brown is one example of this) and for a long time it upset me that I wasn’t able to get the same enjoyment as others were out of those books. But when I’ve read some of these more angsty and kink filled books I found that the characters had more chemistry and even when the plots potentially get crazy, I would find the relationships to feel more realistic. They felt comfortable and the pairings made more sense to me. In the same way that I have often found fanfiction to be comforting to me these books make me cherish the Happily Ever Afters or the Happy For Nows. They give me butterflies and make me swoon and I cheer for every romantic advancement throughout the stories. I like reading about people falling in love but I need them to make sense together before I find any enjoyment in their stories.

The second reason I think that I have found so much enjoyment in spicy or erotic books is that I think sex is hilarious. Like there are days where I get uncomfortable reading about sex or feel grossed out and then I skim read or completely skip over those scenes but on other days I like to read and potentially giggle at these scenarios that can feel so outrageous to me. Just a small reason but it’s often enough to make my brain get pulled out of whatever hole I’ve found myself in on that occasion.

For a while I was actually tempted to just stop reading adult romance books completely because I wasn’t finding any enjoyment in them. I was frustrated with the stories I was picking up and I kept wondering why I was subjecting myself to reading sex scenes in these books when all they did was gross me out and add to my disappointment in the overall stories. I try to review all books as objectively as possible but sometimes I had to separate myself from these plots for weeks or even months before I could write up my thoughts. I’m still trying to work on this with my reviews, especially rant related ones.

Before I sign off I wanted to be honest and say that I almost deleted this post before I finally decided I could make myself publish it. I learned about asexuality when I was in high school from a text post on Tumblr. Looking back, without that random post ending up on my dashboard I think it would have been years before I ever got a bit of explanation about who I am. It’s a key piece to my identity and yet the validity of this piece of me is something that I dwell on way too frequently. Over the weekend, a person on Twitter made a response to someone hoping for more romances with asexual characters by essentially saying the asexuality was a way for white people to act oppressed and then went on to say that asexual people should be shot. Not only does this completely erase every single BIPOC ace it’s an opinion that adds to the stigma that there is something wrong with asexuality.

This belief is one that causes ace people a lot of pain and potentially even harm. Years ago, I dated a person who was well aware of my asexuality but held the belief that if I didn’t have sex with them, then that meant I didn’t love them. Now, at the time I leaned towards referring to myself as demisexual and because of that this person held that over my head. For much of that relationship I was fed the belief that I had to have sex to prove I loved this person and so I did it. I cared for them, so therefore I should want to have sex with them all the time. I chose to ignore my own identity and my own feelings about the situation because I assumed that this was how sex in a relationship was supposed to work and how it was always going to work. Y’all, this is why we need ace rep in books. Not only because it could potentially save someone else from what I had to go through, but also because ace people deserve to know that they are worthy of love. We deserve to know that we can be loved and cared for outside of a sexual relationship.

When I first learned about asexuality, I didn’t think of myself as broken, I simply thought “wow this finally explains why I view sex differently than my friends” but I know that a lot of people, before learning about asexuality do wonder if they are broken in some way. We deserve to have romance books with ace main characters or ace love interests. Books that don’t have sex in them are not the same as books about asexual people. Asexual people do have sex and can enjoy it as can they enjoy reading about it. But we also deserve to read romances about ace people who are sex repulsed because they exist too. And we deserve books about ace characters that aren’t romances and we deserve their sexuality to be explicitly discussed. Books without sex aren’t the same as books about asexual people. I’ll keep saying that as long as I have a platform to say it on. And I’ll yell about aromantics and how deserving they are of books where their sexuality is explicitly spoken about. They deserve books with platonic joy or personal joy. Being asexual isn’t some pin to allow me to say “I’m oppressed” but I do think a lot of our pain stays hidden. And I don’t want other people to hurt the way that I have hurt. I hid the way I felt in my relationship years ago from everyone I knew. I kept trying to tell myself “it’s just sex” because for so many people sex isn’t a big deal and it hurt to ignore a big part of my identity in ways I’m still trying to heal from. I don’t want young ace people to grow up thinking that they are broken or that they owe people anything. And that is why we need more books with ace rep.

Honestly, spicy books take me out of the world I’m in and help distract me from everything that may be going on in my life. I like reading about the relationships within them as well as all the other aspects that go into them. But that doesn’t take away the fact that I am asexual. Anyways, before I rant too much about gender and sexual identity I’m going to sign off for this post.

If you’re interested in connecting with me elsewhere you can find some places below, otherwise I will talk to you all in my next post!

Twitter: nihilisticactus

Readerly: sideofadventure

You can add me as a friend or follow my reviews on Goodreads, my profile is linked here.

If you’d like to buy me a coffee, my Ko-fi is linked here.

If you’re interested in contacting me about reviews, or something else, my email is: adventureswithasideofespresso@gmail.com

A Timeless Sort of Story: Review of The People We Keep by Allison Larkin

The People We Keep
Image: Cover of The People We Keep by Allison Larkin

Synopsis

Little River, New York, 1994: April Sawicki is living in a motorless motorhome that her father won in a poker game. Failing out of school, picking up shifts at Margo’s diner, she’s left fending for herself in a town where she’s never quite felt at home. When she “borrows” her neighbor’s car to perform at an open mic night, she realizes her life could be much bigger than where she came from. After a fight with her dad, April packs her stuff and leaves for good, setting off on a journey to find a life that’s all hers.

As April moves through the world, meeting people who feel like home, she chronicles her life in the songs she writes and discovers that where she came from doesn’t dictate who she has to be. 

This lyrical, unflinching tale is for anyone who has ever yearned for the fierce power of found family or to grasp the profound beauty of choosing to belong.

Review

An E-ARC was provided by Gallery Books through NetGalley in exchange for review.

There was something simplistic and yet utterly fulfilling about this book. The People We Keep is a timeless sort of story about growing up and trying to find your space in the world. It’s a narrative that opens a few windows into the life of April Sawicki, a teenage girl from a small town in New York. She’s restless and has a longing for a life that would take her away from her tiny town and the path she thinks life is eventually going to lead her down. People don’t tend to leave her hometown and she saw life pulling her towards settling down with her high school boyfriend and essentially living life from there. Then a confrontation with her father pushes her over the edge and she leaves in an attempt to do something to save herself and change her future.

I’m not sure I realized how much of an emotional impact this book would have on me when I first started reading it. The writing style is simplistic but in my opinion that makes it more accessible since sometimes lyrical, prose heavy works keep people from picking them up. Since it was so easy to immerse myself into the story I flew through it and finished the book in one sitting. From the get go it could have been like any other book where a small town girl leaves to find her way but this was a lot different than I expected it to be. I plan on passing it on to as many people as I can. Honestly, it was profound to see April get so caught up in her negative experiences that she believes the only way to save herself is to run away again and again. It’s a self defense mechanism that I know all too well and I know other people may see it in themselves too. After I set the book down I ended up doing a lot of self reflection about my own life and all of the people that have walked through it over the years.

This book isn’t a romance. Yes, some romantic relationships did occur throughout and I honestly thought that in the end, April would settle down and be “happy” with whatever circumstances she ended up in. The more I read and the more that came to pass I realized that this was so much more than a romance. The title really says it all.

As characters were introduced throughout the book I ended up being surprised how they came and went and which ones ended up being the ones that April “kept”. By the end of the book everything began to tie itself together as April was forced to reconnect with people she had run away from. This was where everything began to hit me and I saw the full message of the story. Too often I think we focus on the people who we’ve lost. Personally I know I’ve spent plenty of time grieving for friendships and relationships that have ended. I also know that when I would run away from the negative experiences and places I always eventually come back to thinking about the people I left behind because I always wondered if they would have held out for me. This is a story that answers a question like that. April had such a unique found family and despite the fact that each person came from vastly different walks of life I adored seeing them come together to support her. This part of the story might not sit well with everyone because April was a messy person and she was dealing with a lot of trauma and not everyone will think that she deserves this type of love and forgiveness. But it was a surprising take on a coming of age story where a girl leaves her tiny hometown and I appreciated it.

To me, this was a reminder that we might not all get the love and acceptance we deserve. Especially when we make our own messes and run away because we’re too scared to fix them. But there are people that we have encountered that we will keep with us whether they stay by our side or they simply teach us lessons that we carry with us that sustain us through life. Sometimes we have to stop running away and I hope that if you do, you have your own people to remind you that you are loved and cared for.

This book was a five star read for me and if I were you, I’d add it to your must read list.

The People We Keep is a brand new release, it came out earlier this month and I’ll link below some places you can purchase it if you’re interested in getting your own copy!

Barnes & Noble // Bookshop // Indiebound (If you want to find a local store to buy through!)

Or add the book on Goodreads here!

You can also find me at the following:

Twitter: nihilisticactus

Readerly: sideofadventure

For review requests, etc.: adventuresandespresso@gmail.com

You can add me on Goodreads or follow my reviews here.

If you’d like to buy me a coffee, my Ko-fi is here.

Again, But Better: Rereading Christine Riccio’s First Book & Reading Better Together Too

It’s so weird to think that it was back in 2019 that I got sucked into book blogging. I had recently gotten back into reading after a years long slump and the book that pulled me fully into the reading community again was Again, but Better by Christine Riccio. I reread my original review and it was a bit of a mess but it was a book that I was honestly incredibly excited to read and I can tell how caught up in my feelings I was about it. I remember when I started to get views on that post and then likes and even a comment I was shocked! My blog has always felt so small and insignificant that I still tend to forget that actual people read my posts and I’m not just shouting into the void.

For this post, I wanted to reflect upon that original reading of Christine’s first book and then review it a second time with some updated thoughts. After that I’ll dive into my review of Better Together which is her second novel and I’ll finish with a small wrap up on this experience.

Just a note before I begin, this post will contain spoilers.

Again, But Not Better

Again, but Better
Image: Cover of Again, But Better by Christine Riccio

I read Again, But Better at exactly the time I needed to read it. It made me sad and nostalgic for people that I no longer had and life opportunities that either passed me by or that I wish I could experience again. Reading it in such an emotional mindset I think I chose to overlook a lot of things that bothered me more this second time around.

One of the first things I noticed while rereading this was that there were constant references to Harry Potter. Not only did these age very poorly, I don’t think they were necessary in the first place. When it comes to contemporary books I know that there will be pop culture references but authors need to tread carefully because the more specific they get, the easier it is for the book to lack a timeless nature. In terms of the writing itself after years of watching videos from Christine it was obvious that she wrote this. It was enthusiastic and awkward with a sprinkling of quotable lines throughout. This book was also a self insert to the extreme. With the recognizable writing style coupled with the FrenchWatermelon19 blog name of the main character I was shocked that Christine was okay with this book going out into the world… I can only hope that if Pilot was based off of a real person that he did not read this book. Pilot was such a weird character for me because I actually liked him more than Shane at times because he was subdued compared to her but he also had seemingly no autonomy and I don’t want to speculate on things simply because of the self insert nature but it seems to me like Pilot was a 20-something who wasn’t interested in something serious and the do-over put him in a tight spot that ended up causing people a lot of pain. As a person who heavily romanticized relationships because of books and “happily ever after” I just have to wonder.

Overall, a lot of the issues I mentioned in my original review remain the same. I disliked Shane’s family. The fact that her father threw a hissy fit in front of an entire restaurant of people and promptly disowned her was appalling. Families are messy but there’s a fine line between a messy family and abuse and I think that Again, but Better lacked the nuance to have been written about an abusive family. In the end I did appreciate that Shane had something of a self discovery journey over the course of the plot and it was nice to see her make her own decisions. In terms of the romance in this book, the codependent nature of Shane and Pilot’s relationship upon getting their do-over was annoying and I actually enjoyed when they broke up. I don’t think either of them had enough self awareness to do the right thing and during this reread I thought that there was a lot less chemistry between the two than the first time I read the book. I’m also still incredibly uncomfortable with the cheating aspects of the story.

Again, But Better was an awkward debut novel and despite being a book I read at the right time, the second time around revealed a lot more flaws after realizing this was rated 4 stars on my Goodreads I changed my rating to 2.

Please Stop Vomiting: My Review On Better Together

Better Together
Image: Cover of Better Together by Christine Riccio

I’m not going to do it. Like really I will not go back and count how many times the characters threw up on page…

Okay, I think it actually only happened 5.5 times (the half time being a spit take and not actual vomit) but I still think this is too much vomit for this book!

Anyways, the quickest way to sum up Better Together would be Parent Trap but with significantly more trauma.

Like really, sisters Siri and Jamie were separated by their parents messy divorce at the ages of 4 and 6. They both end up attending the same self help retreat over a decade later and with the help of some more unexplained magic they swap places. Here’s the kicker though, Siri thought that Jamie was an imaginary friend. Seriously, their mother told Siri that Jamie wasn’t real and sent her to therapy in order to FORGET HER SISTER. So this ended up leading to a very dramatic scene at the retreat where Siri panicked over her “imaginary friend” appearing in front of her.

I’ll admit that Better Together, while not amazing, ended up impressing me more than I thought it would. It was obvious to me that Christine had grown slightly as a writer although it still had much of the same enthusiastic and awkward nature that Again, but Better had. I thought that Siri and Jamie ended up feeling like much more realistic characters than Shane did, however that doesn’t mean huge improvement since I really didn’t find Shane to be a well written character. With that being said I thought that Jamie was frustrating as hell and without the anger I felt while reading her chapters I’m unsure I would have been able to distinguish between the two narratives.

The main issue that I had with Better Together (other than the whole traumatic imaginary friend thing) is that there was so much conflict and so much angst that could have been played into but Christine barely scratched the surface. Both Jamie and Siri had personal struggles that they were trying to deal with and I wish that we could have seen more of how their switch allowed them to cope with and work through what was going on in their real lives. For this to be a standalone it didn’t give me the resolution that I was hoping for by the time I had reached the ending. Though I will say I appreciated that Christine had both girls attend therapy throughout the course of the book. It wasn’t perfect but it was a start.

I’ve gone back and forth a few times now about how I wanted to rate this and I think I’ve settled on 2 stars. It was okay and while it did have improvements from Again, but Better it wasn’t great. I was uncomfortable with how the divorce was handled by the parents and I felt like a lot of aspects to this book felt underdeveloped. I’ve watched most of Christine’s videos about her writing process and I know that she overdrafts when it comes to word counts. That being said I have to wonder what she ends up cutting out.

But Will Her Next Book Have Better in the Title

Christine’s books seem geared towards a younger audience and I think that they could be good transitional books as young adult readers look for adult books to pick up. That’s kind of the path that I took with them anyways. They are very surface level in terms of conflict and overall character growth and I think that younger readers would find them enjoyable. However, I would just hope as these readers grow up and read more that they could look back on these two books and eye them a bit more critically. They’re not great examples for how families and relationships should work and while no family or relationship is going to be perfect I just don’t want young readers to end up being set on a path where they normalize things they shouldn’t.

And one last random point… Something that I’ve noticed with both of Christine’s books is that she isn’t consistent with the things that she changes about the real world or the characters. In Again, but Better Shane didn’t seem to swear and instead used things like “fudge” instead of “fuck” but then there were moments when she did swear and there wasn’t necessarily a rhyme or reason to it. Then in Better Together with the changes about the real world there were numerous references to things and people that were unchanged, like Timothee Chalamet just randomly being included in the plot, but then in other instances Christine would do something like change a dating app name from “Hinge” to “Hunge”. The inconsistency was a bit confusing at times. Siri was also another character that “didn’t swear” so there were even more nonsense words in her chapters. Seriously, authors either use actual swear words or refrain from using any at all.

Even though I wasn’t a fan of either of these books, I thought that this was actually an enjoyable experience in the end. It was interesting reading the two books back to back because I was better able to see how Christine grew as a writer. At this point, I’m unsure if I’ll pick up her next book outside of potentially using it for blog content. Or just to see what outrageous unexplained magic she decides to throw into that plot.

The biggest thing that I have to think about though is, will Christine end up having the word better in the title of her third book??

And with that I’m signing off. I’ll talk to y’all in my next post, though if you’re interested in connecting with me before then you can find me at the following:

Twitter: nihilisticactus

Readerly: sideofadventure

For review inquiries, etc: adventuresandespresso@gmail.com

My Goodreads profile is linked here. You can add me as a friend or follow my reviews over there.

If you’d like to buy me a coffee, my Ko-fi is linked here.

Middle Grade Monday: A Uniquely Crafted Graphic Novel, The Cardboard Kingdom by Chad Sell

If you’re looking for a fun and entertaining graphic novel that should keep any youngster hooked then I’ve got the book for you!

The Cardboard Kingdom is a collection of short stories compiled into a graphic novel that follows a group of kids in their neighborhood throughout the course of one summer. Each story is written by a different collaborator and the whole book is illustrated by Chad Sell.

The Cardboard Kingdom
Image: Cover of The Cardboard Kingdom by Chad Sell

It’s colorful and with the short story element this book is easy to read in small sittings or all at once depending on the reader. I appreciated this because I often struggle with feeling like I should be able to read a graphic novel in one sitting and this one allowed me to set it down multiple times and come back to it when I had more time to dedicate to this world! Each story begins with a title page that has more of a sketch style of art and interwoven in the stories are also pieces of art that bring to life the make believe aspects. Some are more concept art style while others are built into the panels as you find the children living the stories they’ve created. I found myself immersed in the storytelling and enjoyed seeing how each character was brought to life as the play acting became interwoven with the immense fantasy world this neighborhood made.

The characters within these stories are diverse and I appreciated seeing how many of the kids connected things that were going on in their real lives with their characters and storylines in the fantasy world. There was a variety of home lives represented. Kids with married parents, divorced parents, fighting parents, single parents, grandparents. And while nothing was expressly stated I could pick out characters that seemed neurodivergent or LGBT+. One notable character for this is that of The Sorceress, or Jack. Another thing I’ll note is that I would have appreciated seeing a physically disabled character, I think that’s one aspect where this lacked. I know it’s hard to fit every form of representation into a book but there could have been a lot of interesting storylines surrounding something like creating a costume for a wheelchair user, etc.

The Cardboard Kingdom celebrates creativity and imagination. It allowed children to choose characters they resonated with and bring them to life. And even as heroes squared off with villains and tensions ran high there were plenty of softer moments where it warmed my heart to see how this neighborhood of kids accepted one another. I think that kids will love the colorful and easy to read style of the comics. There’s a wide variety of characters that just about anybody would be able to find themselves relating to at least one. It’s an accessible short story style and I highly recommend this! I also think that older readers would find themselves enjoying this too. I know I for one felt nostalgic for the summers when I was younger and spent most of my days running around outside creating these dramatic scenarios with my younger sister.

And to add, on Chad Sell’s website there are free coloring pages as well as paper craft designs that can be downloaded and used to create costumes based on those in the book! You can find these at chadsellcomics.com

You can add The Cardboard Kingdom on Goodreads here.

And if you’re interested in purchasing your own copy you can find it at the following links:

Barnes & Noble // Bookshop // IndieBound (if you’re interested in finding a local store to shop through!)

I’d also like to note that the sequel to The Cardboard Kingdom was released in June of this year. I haven’t read it yet but I’m definitely planning on picking it up so I thought I’d add the links for that book here as well.

Add Roar of the Beasts on Goodreads here.

And here are the purchase links (I didn’t include the IndieBound link because it’s the same as up above):

Barnes & Noble // Bookshop

And with that, I’m signing off! If you’ve read this book, what did you think of it? I really can’t wait to pick up the sequel.

I’ll talk to you all in my next post though if you’re interested in connecting with me before then, here are my links!

Twitter: nihilisticactus

Readerly: sideofadventure

For review inquiries, etc. my email is: adventuresandespresso@gmail.com

You can add me on Goodreads or follow my reviews my profile is linked here.

And if you’d like to buy me a coffee, my Ko-fi is linked here.

A Twisted & Beautiful Folkloric Fantasy Debut: Review of The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid

I swear, this post did not want to be published! I have been working on this for weeks now because every time I’ve saved it as a draft as soon as I come back to it all I get are error messages so I have to start all over again! This time I’m just going to try and get it all done in one sitting, including images and links, so that I can finally post this.

The Wolf and the Woodsman
Image: Cover of The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid

In her forest-veiled pagan village, Évike is the only woman without power, making her an outcast clearly abandoned by the gods. The villagers blame her corrupted bloodline—her father was a Yehuli man, one of the much-loathed servants of the fanatical king. When soldiers arrive from the Holy Order of Woodsmen to claim a pagan girl for the king’s blood sacrifice, Évike is betrayed by her fellow villagers and surrendered.

But when monsters attack the Woodsmen and their captive en route, slaughtering everyone but Évike and the cold, one-eyed captain, they have no choice but to rely on each other. Except he’s no ordinary Woodsman—he’s the disgraced prince, Gáspár Bárány, whose father needs pagan magic to consolidate his power. Gáspár fears that his cruelly zealous brother plans to seize the throne and instigate a violent reign that would damn the pagans and the Yehuli alike. As the son of a reviled foreign queen, Gáspár understands what it’s like to be an outcast, and he and Évike make a tenuous pact to stop his brother.

As their mission takes them from the bitter northern tundra to the smog-choked capital, their mutual loathing slowly turns to affection, bound by a shared history of alienation and oppression. However, trust can easily turn to betrayal, and as Évike reconnects with her estranged father and discovers her own hidden magic, she and Gáspár need to decide whose side they’re on, and what they’re willing to give up for a nation that never cared for them at all.

Reid provided content warnings for her book which will be included at the end of my review

First off, I wanted to thank William Morrow through NetGalley for the e-ARC of this book as well as Danielle at William Morrow for sending me a finished copy!

The Wolf and the Woodsman was everything I hoped for and more. This folkloric fantasy debut from Ava Reid follows Évike, a pagan woman who has been treated as an outcast in her village of “Wolf Girls”. Évike has not only been scorned because of the man who fathered her, but also because she’s the only girl in her village without any magic powers. When the Woodsmen come to take away yet another girl, it’s Évike who gets taken. A sacrifice for the protection of someone else in her village. As the plot unfolded and twisted itself down grim and harsh paths I read with bated breath and finished this in two sittings.

This book was whimsically dark as Reid knit together Jewish mythology and Hungarian history. I’m not Jewish though I ended up picking up on a number of references that were made throughout the book. I really enjoyed seeing how Reid tied everything together. The writing was absolutely beautiful. Rich descriptions of the world woven throughout fantastical stories and Évike’s own stinging inner dialogue. I was so immersed in the story that I didn’t want to drag myself back out until I was finished reading. I’d like to note that the body horror and gore described throughout are not for the faint of heart. The Wolf and the Woodsman is an adult novel and I would heed that warning. If you’re a person who is sensitive to graphic descriptions this might be a book that needs to be passed on. It was all pertinent to the story itself and added to the dark nature. This was a dark story and it was unexpected because I find that many fantasy stories I’ve read tend to lean towards a “happily ever after” ending. And obviously I love those too but I appreciated that this book felt so realistic in terms of characterization and life consequences of horrific events.

The grim fairytale-esque sheen that covered the surface of the story revealed thought provoking horrors once peeled back. A corrupt kingdom, filled with impoverished peasants who stood atop the backs of the pagans and the Yehuli because they believed themselves to be more worthy of an upward climb. An impending war that has caused a turning tide in the kings own men. It was fascinating and terrifying to read it all unfold because I was so invested in Évike and her survival. Over the course of the book, Évike put every ounce into protecting such fragile relationships that developed over the course of the story. As she interacted with her peers and eventually her father I couldn’t help but hope that these characters would hope for the best for Évike just as I was. For her to want to save anyone but herself was heartbreaking because even after years of being treated as less than and fighting for her survival she still revealed a caring nature in these moments.

Now, not only was Évike caring but she was powerful in her own way. The self discovery journey she went on through the course of the book proved to be beneficial in numerous ways. Her power in bringing men to their knees was hands down one of my favorite parts of this book. She intimidated a king but her enemies-to-lovers relationship with Prince Gaspar was perfection. They were never meant to be and yet as their banter and curses turned to something more I couldn’t stop reading. As I reached the end of the novel I couldn’t help but see all the beginnings that could unspool from it.

This was a standout read and will definitely be one of my favorites for the year. Hands down a 5/5 star read! Links to purchase the book for yourself will be included underneath the content warnings.

CONTENT WARNINGS (as provided by the author)
– Gore, including graphic descriptions of dismemberment, amputation, mutilation, and immolation
– Torture, including whipping
– Self-harm, including self-amputation 
– Animal death (graphic; the animals are not pets)
– Antisemitism
– Cultural genocide and ethnic cleansing
– Physical abuse by parents and parental figures
– Graphic descriptions of vomiting

If you’d like to pick up your own copy of The Wolf and the Woodsman you can find it at any of the following links:

Barnes & Noble // Bookshop // Indiebound (you can find a local indie to purchase through there!)

And as of writing this post, Sierra Elmore has a book box available for preorder for September. You can find that here!

And if you’d like to connect with me elsewhere:
I’m on Twitter: @/nihilisticactus

Readerly: @/sideofadventure

For review inquiries, etc my email is adventuresandespresso@gmail.com.

You can follow my reviews or add me as a friend on Goodreads here.

And if you’d like to buy me a coffee, my Ko-fi is here.

I’ll talk to y’all in my next post!

So The World Is Burning & I’m Going Back To School

I dropped out of university in 2017. It wasn’t exactly something I planned on doing but it happened. 2017 was a tough year for me, my mental health started to go downhill more than it ever had before and I went through two really bad breakups. Most of the time, when I think back on that year all I see is the bad because it was a turning point in my life that I never saw coming but I also had so many experiences that year that I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to have. I studied abroad in London for three weeks, I saw totality of an eclipse, and I even designed a book cover! That year was a turning point in my life because even though there was so much bad, it also started to teach me about myself and helped me get to the point I’m at now. I’m nowhere that I ever expected myself to be at 24, almost 25 but this is my reality and I kind of hope that in talking about it that maybe it’ll get to someone else who needs it.

Just a note before I get further into this post, I will be talking candidly about mental health and other possibly triggering topics so if you’d like to tap out of this now feel free!

The other day I was on Twitter and read a tweet that said something along the lines of “the ocean is on fire and you’re going to grad school??” and I had a panic attack. Natural disasters and climate change cause so much existential anxiety for me that it’s been difficult to find motivation to keep moving forward. (Shout out to my teachers in elementary and middle school that showed us movies like Twister, The Day After Tomorrow, and the one about Yellowstone erupting.) In the past year and a half I’ve done a lot for my mental health and for my future. I found a new therapist and I’ve recently started EMDR with her in order to start reprocessing trauma. I got diagnosed with ADHD. I got back on medication and found a psychiatrist that I don’t hate. I applied to go back to school and I got in.

I applied to go back to school and I got in.

Honestly, after dropping out in 2017 I wasn’t sure if I’d ever go back to school. Every time I started to think I was working my way back uphill I fell down again. When I look back at that time period I know I was running on fumes just trying to survive each day. I was desperately trying to figure out who I was and that struggle made me hurt not only myself but a lot of other people. My roommate at the time was honestly the main reason I stayed alive and I’m forever grateful for her. It’s the little things but she kept me fed and there were so many nights that we would stay up hysterically laughing about the weirdest things or watching American Horror Story. We created a home for ourselves and even though it was a difficult time period for both of us I look back on it fondly. (I know she still reads at least some of my posts so if you’re reading this, thank you for everything, seriously. Ugh, our neighbors must have hated our middle of the night shenanigans lol)

Leaving school was my own choice. I was overwhelmed financially and mentally and got caught up in trying to make other people like me because I couldn’t figure out how to like myself. Even though I had just switched to a new advisor and was excited to finally have an idea of what I wanted for my future nothing I did felt like it was enough. My therapist at the time and I discussed it in depth and decided a break from school would be beneficial. I just didn’t expect the spiral that came afterwards. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly happened. Piecing together my memories from that time period have been more difficult than I expected.

Now fast forward to this year. I knew I needed to do something to move forward with my life. My job was sucking the life out of me and I was desperate to move forward. Not everyone needs to go to school but ever since I dropped out I felt the need to go back. I love learning and school used to be a place I thrived and I wanted to get back to a place where I felt productive again. The biggest problem I had was that I had no idea what I wanted to do. Let’s be real, I still don’t know what I want to do but I’m working on it. When I first went to university I was majoring in religion… And then education and history… Then history… Then history and communications… And finally communications with a focus in media studies. I have a lot of interests but I had no idea what I wanted to do with my future. Growing up every time someone asked me what I wanted to be my answer changed frequently. The only thing that ever stayed consistent was that I wanted to write. But I wanted to be a teacher, lawyer, zookeeper, youth minister, librarian, artist… The list goes on. I battled constantly with my passions and being “practical”. There were plenty of my classmates who pursued artistic degrees, I just wasn’t brave enough to follow in their footsteps.

When I finally started looking into reapplying for school I sat down and made a mind map of all of my interests in order to narrow down what I might want to do. As the map got bigger and bigger I realized how important to me that nature was. I’ve always loved being outside but it was my first backpacking trip in 2015 that sparked a hunger for adventure in me that seems insatiable. So I spent a few weeks watching videos from Kristina Lynn on YouTube, she’s a wildlife biologist and has made numerous videos about jobs within that field and more. Those videos as well digging into lists of majors and classes at any university that I was even remotely interested in attending started to get me to form a small seed of a future working in nature in my head.

The first time I went to university I applied to two schools and got into both. This time I also applied to only two schools but I only got into one. Luckily, it was my top choice. I’m going to be attending a state university in Minnesota and will be majoring in biology with a focus in ecology. Classes start in just over a month and I’m getting more anxious by the day and my brain is starting to shut down. I had just registered for classes when I saw that tweet about grad school and the ocean and I wanted to give up. In a matter of weeks I had a lot of new stressors introduced and then the more that I thought about the world and life as a whole I wanted to stop moving. I was back to feeling the same sort of hopelessness and loss that I had been experiencing on a regular basis since 2016-2017. I’ll be honest when I say that some days I spend hours in a state of dissociation because I don’t understand anything.

Even though I’ve finally started to take steps forward for myself, it feels like the world is taking steps backward for me. I’m a nihilist even on my best days. I often struggle to find meaning with my life because “we all die in the end anyways”. This is why I’m thankful to have a therapist who can help to hold me accountable. I have to assign myself goals each week and my desire to please people almost always overrides my need to do nothing so I slowly work towards goals that I come up with during those sessions. Which basically means the world is on fire and I’m going back to school.

It doesn’t help that I’m a returning student and even though I’ve knocked out essentially all of my generals I still feel like I’m behind. I know that there’s no reason to follow a standard path for school and even though I was never exactly pressured to jump straight to college after high school there are still frequent moments when I feel terrible for dropping out in the first place. And every time I get a letter or email addressed to the “Parents of” me it knocks me down one more peg. I don’t think they should require parental interaction or even assume parental interaction with university because it’s not a given, ever, but I understand why they do assume it.

I’m not sure when it will hit me that I’m really going back to school and that this is a huge step forward for me. Even though I’m years off the timeline I had tried to create for myself this is the first time that I ever truly feel like I’ve made some decisions for me and me alone. Finding the motivation to move forward is hit or miss and I’m trying to give myself some grace when it comes to my bad days. I’m also striving to keep my pessimism away from other’s successes. Just because I find everything I do to be pointless doesn’t mean I should make someone else feel bad. It doesn’t always work out that way but it’s important. We shouldn’t hurt other people mentally just because we’re hurting.

When this post goes up I’ll be touring my new school and getting some things set up for the new semester. I’m stressed about it, especially because I have a long drive there, but it finally feels like things are moving forward.

I hope you all have a nice day. I’ll talk to you in my next post.

If you’re interested in connecting with me elsewhere:
I’m on Twitter: @/nihilisticactus
Email: adventuresandespresso@gmail.com
Or if you’d like to financially support the blog, my Ko-fi is linked here.

Middle Grade Monday: Song for a Whale by Lynne Kelly

Song for a Whale
Image: Cover of Lynne Kelly’s Song For A Whale

The story of a deaf girl’s connection to a whale whose song can’t be heard by his species, and the journey she takes to help him.

From fixing the class computer to repairing old radios, twelve-year-old Iris is a tech genius. But she’s the only deaf person in her school, so people often treat her like she’s not very smart. If you’ve ever felt like no one was listening to you, then you know how hard that can be.

When she learns about Blue 55, a real whale who is unable to speak to other whales, Iris understands how he must feel. Then she has an idea: she should invent a way to “sing” to him! But he’s three thousand miles away. How will she play her song for him?

Lynne Kelly’s Song For A Whale was a beautiful book about a young girl’s need to belong and her determined journey to help a whale also find a place to belong. Iris is deaf. Her grandparents are deaf and she has a friend, Wendell, who is also deaf but she attends a hearing school. On top of all this, while her mom and older brother have learned sign language to easily communicate with Iris, her father has never put in the effort instead relying on her lip reading skills and other people to translate. This book centers on her discovery of a whale called Blue 55 who sings in a frequency that other whales can’t understand. Iris immediately relates to Blue 55 and she sets out on a journey to give him a song that might finally make him feel heard.

In both high school and my first round of college I took ASL classes. I spent three years learning it in high school and was actually planning on minoring in it in college. For a really long time I was interested in becoming an interpreter and while my career goals have ultimately changed since then I think that learning sign language is something that everyone should do if presented the opportunity. The Deaf community is wonderful and I’ve met a lot of great people over the years that have pulled me out of my shell from my time learning ASL. It’s an incredibly expressive language and it taught me a lot about communication so I was excited to pick up a book featuring a deaf main character! I feel like if I let myself talk about it too much I would take up the entire post but I’ll just say that while communication and school and everything surrounding that is up for individual families to decide it is incredibly important for deaf children to be able to communicate. ASL has its own structure and grammar but it is a language and it opens the world up so much more than relying on lip reading and speaking.

Song For A Whale was emotional. Iris feels misunderstood and often floats through life feeling like an outsider. At school she has to rely on an interpreter and with interactions with Deaf (uppercase D means individuals who identify with the larger Deaf community) people she feels like she’s getting left behind because she isn’t around fluent signers all the time. My heart hurt for her because she had so much passion that I wanted everyone else in her life to see that too. So when she begins to create a song for Blue 55 after learning about the whale in science class I couldn’t help but cheer her on as she began to make unlikely friends along her journey. I think that this book is a perfect one to help young readers begin to step into the shoes of those that have different abilities to their own. Being deaf does not define a person and I really enjoyed that Kelly fully made Iris her own person because that will help readers understand that too.

One of my favorite things about this book was that not only was it a story of belonging but it was also one of healing. Before the events of this story took place, Iris lost her grandfather. So on top of everything she was navigating her grief for one of the few people that fully accepted her as she was. Her grandmother was grieving the loss of her husband and life long companion and I loved seeing the support and hope she had for Iris. She stepped up for her granddaughter and ended up beginning to move with her grief as well. As they both opened up to each other and the outside world I was really proud of both characters for being so strong.

This is a very character driven book. Interspersed between a few of Iris’s chapters were some written from the perspective of Blue 55. They were moving and brought me hope that the two would be able to interact in some way before the story ended. I loved how Kelly tied the passion Iris felt for radios to this mission to create a song for a whale. It was unique and I think it added so much to the importance for everyone to be able to communicate with those around them. I also thought that it was cool to find so many educational tidbits sprinkled throughout about whales and whale song. It was well worth the read and whether you’re hearing or deaf I couldn’t recommend this book more.

If you’re interested in picking up your own copy you can find it at the following links:

Barnes & Noble // Bookshop // IndieBound (to find a local indie to shop through!)

And with that, I’m signing off for the day. I’ll talk to you all in my next post!

You can also connect with me more by following the blog or at the following:

Twitter: @/nihilisticactus

Readerly: @/sideofespresso

You can add me as a friend or follow my reviews on Goodreads here.

For review inquiries, etc. you can email me at adventuresandespresso@gmail.com

If you’d like to support the blog financially, my Ko-fi is linked here.

This Is a Bit of a Rant Review: One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

I rarely preorder books. Recently I have started to do it more often but I still try to limit myself because I’m always nervous I may not like a book enough to own it. One Last Stop is Casey McQuiston’s, author of Red White & Royal Blue, sophomore novel. This was one of my most anticipated books of 2021 and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it so it was one of the few books that I’ve preordered for this year. When I initially read RWRB I really liked it and while my opinion on it has changed a bit I have reread it four times. So upon hearing the synopsis of OLS I was incredibly excited for a sapphic contemporary novel mixed with a unique sci-fi element. Unfortunately though I found the story to be lackluster and the main twist of the plot was poorly executed.

With that being said this is going to be a bit of a rant review. I’m going to split it into a few different sections to try and keep my thoughts together and I’ll also make a disclaimer now that there will be some spoilers. I will note the sections that contain major spoilers in case you want to skip them!

One Last Stop

Synopsis

For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures.

But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train.

Jane. Dazzling, charming, mysterious, impossible Jane. Jane with her rough edges and swoopy hair and soft smile, showing up in a leather jacket to save August’s day when she needed it most. August’s subway crush becomes the best part of her day, but pretty soon, she discovers there’s one big problem: Jane doesn’t just look like an old school punk rocker. She’s literally displaced in time from the 1970s, and August is going to have to use everything she tried to leave in her own past to help her. Maybe it’s time to start believing in some things, after all.

Things I Liked

I’ll start with the things that I liked about the book because I do think that McQuiston shows a lot of promise as an author. I did enjoy OLS enough to finish it and the main reason for that is the colorful cast of characters. The way that McQuiston crafts their side characters is something that I love, it’s one of the things that has brought me back to RWRB and would also bring me back to OLS someday too. I’ll be honest when I say that both books also featured romances between side characters that I was more invested in than the main ones at times.

Another thing that I adore about McQuiston’s books are the friendships that are formed in both. I appreciate these friendships so much because they end up giving me so many warm fuzzy feelings and have me wishing for my own group of friends I could be that close to. I think that McQuiston writes fun stories and I’m a bit unsure of whether or not I’ll be picking up more of their work in the future though I’m just waiting it out at this point.

So now onto some of the things that I didn’t like about the book…

Writing

I’m a big fan of a casual writing style! Sometimes I think it’s fun to pick up books that feel more conversational than wordy and prose filled. I don’t mind swearing in books (usually). With OLS, though, I was honestly thrown off over how much the word “fucking” was used. And I swear A LOT so I’m all for using it as emphasis and frequently do but it genuinely started to get to me the more I read. And I’m aware that this is a very tiny critique but that’s mainly why I put it first. I just think that without this aspect I would have been able to stay immersed in the story instead of taking as long as I did to read it.

Plot

***THIS SECTION WILL CONTAIN MAJOR SPOILERS***

One of the main things that I think I had an issue with in terms of the plot was the pacing. I went into OLS expecting the overarching plot line of helping Jane get back to the 70’s to be woven throughout. McQuiston writes really fun side scenes and side stories within their books but I think in this story it ended up detracting from the time travel portion. I’m going to be honest, I think that this could have just as easily been written without the light sci-fi and almost everything about the story could have stayed the way it was. It was just a convenient way to make Jane be “unavailable” to August in her “real” world. This also was obviously the only way that August or her mom would have ended up getting closure about August’s uncle.

Now this smaller plot line about August’s missing uncle felt like it should have been given a bigger space within the story. I was immediately intrigued by this once it was introduced into the book and I understood why August didn’t bring it up but it took so long for it to be really mentioned or explained that it felt rushed. In part, I also felt like while the confrontation August had with her mother had spent years being built up it didn’t have the same sort of emotional response in me that I had expected. Jane wasn’t a big part of the narration outside of her small flashbacks but I really wish that McQuiston would have given her a bigger role. I would have adored to read about her time with Augie in Louisiana. And I especially would have appreciated to learn more about Jane’s past.

To speak more on the sci-fi aspect of the plot. Jane and August have a run in on the subway and it was lust at first sight. Okay, I’ll go with it probably being more insta-love but I digress. August makes it her sole purpose/goal to rescue Jane from this time trap. And again, this intrigued me from the minute McQuiston started talking about it. I was pumped! But the plot ended up being boiled down to August romanticizing what she has with Jane and acting in an almost white savior role. There was little to no development of the relationship between Jane and August and it was hard for me to understand the motivation and overall need for the sci-fi. I just felt like there was a lack of insight into why August singlehandedly had to save Jane. It went from meet-cute to 100 and I wasn’t a fan of that.

I also wanted to make a small comment on the sexual aspect of August and Jane’s relationship. I’m on the ace spectrum so I try to avoid commenting on things like this when reading because I know these scenes aren’t written for someone like me in mind. With that being said, you may be wondering, “Isn’t Jane stuck on the subway? How do they have sex if she can’t leave the subway?” They do it on the subway…… And again, this type of sex interests people, I know that, I’ve read a lot of kinky fanfiction (and some romance books) over the years however it made me so uncomfortable that I had to skip these scenes and couldn’t read them. Other people can’t consent to seeing you doing the deed in public spaces so one of the scenes in here really overstepped that boundary in my opinion. Also I’m just thinking of how gross subways are and I want to take a shower on behalf of August and Jane. Alright, I’ll wrap this up now and move on.

Characters/Setting

***THIS SECTION WILL CONTAIN MINOR SPOILERS****

As I mentioned in the previous section, August ended up feeling like she was placed in a white savior role. For the most part she felt realistically flawed and I could relate to her a decent amount but when she became so focused on saving Jane that she neglected the rest of her life I got frustrated. It didn’t help that at one point August went to meet with an academic advisor because she was majorly slacking off at school and instead of having to grovel or anything like that she was informed that she was mere credits away from graduating. Like shit if only that’s how it worked for me when I neglected school.

This was a big piece of evidence as to how everything was just incredibly convenient for August. Sure, she had pitfalls here and there but overall she didn’t struggle with anything. And with the lack of development on Jane’s side of the story I was unimpressed. Again, this is why I ended up liking the side characters in this book more than the main ones.

Also, on a slightly different note but still relating to the convenience of everything for August, this whole book romanticized being a young adult as well as the entire city of New York. At the end of everything August starts to formulate an idea of using the skills learned from her mother in trying to find Augie that she would try to pursue something like people finding as a career. I understand that being in your twenties is difficult and trying to decide what you’re going to do with your future can be near impossible (speaking from personal experience and current existential dread) but all of the characters in this book just floated around seemingly without a care in the world for rent, groceries, insurance or anything related to living on your own. It romanticized everything about living in New York without really accounting for reality. I’m linking a Goodreads review from another user here that I think adds a lot more to my thoughts on this.

And finally, a line that deserved the conclusion of my post

This section will contain spoilers

This interaction occurred between Jane and August in Chapter 12. August gets on the subway and finds Jane with a split lip and a ripped shirt, when questioned Jane says:

“Some guy called me some shit I’d rather not repeat,” she finally says. “That old racist-homophobic combo. Always a winner.”

Page 292, One Last Stop

There’s more conversation during which August asks if anyone had called the cops and when Jane begins to get defensive August says:

“I know- it’s, it’s fucked up,” August tells her. She’s thinking about the fire, the things that drove Jane from city to city. “But I promise, most people aren’t like that anymore. If you could go out, you’d see.”

Page 292, One Last Stop

This interaction was almost enough to make me put the book down because it felt so insensitive. Not only was August insensitive to the very real things that Jane had experienced before she was stuck on the subway it felt biased to a white queer experience. Jane watched her friends dying of AIDS. She thought she lost her closest companion, August’s uncle, in a fire that was set in a space that gay men frequented and since we find out by the end of the book that he has died then we know that Jane truly did have reason to grieve for him. The comment was so flippant, so casual, like Jane hadn’t literally just experienced this interaction. Strides have been made for the LGBT+ community but by saying “most people aren’t like that” is a dismissal of the fact that there are people out there who will not hesitate to harm a person in the LGBT+ community.

From the Human Rights Campaign Foundation I’m linking their “Dismantling a Culture of Violence” report. I found it to be a highly informative and heartbreaking read about how anti-transgender stigma has created a culture of violence. I also want to highlight the fact that BIPOC who are in the LGBT+ community are disproportionately targeted. Last year there were 44 trans or gender nonconforming people who were murdered in the US. Half of this number were women of color, a majority Black. This year alone there have been 28 murders of trans or gender nonconforming individuals, almost all of these being BIPOC. On top of this there are numerous states that have introduced or passed anti-LGBT legislature.

I also wanted to add to this that Jane is Chinese. With the current abhorrent racism towards Asians in America this is another reason this scene left a bitter taste in my mouth. It was upsetting to see how August dismissed Jane’s trauma and romanticized the world they lived in.

I felt like it was important to include this section of the post because privileged one off comments like the one August made, the one McQuiston included in the book, only add to the struggles that marginalized people face. It’s important to acknowledge that the white queer experience isn’t universal. And August barely internalized that. After reading this section in OLS I almost put the book down because it frustrated me so much but I wanted to write this post so I ended up finishing it. Before I sign off I just wanted to leave y’all with some suggestions of action steps you can take based off of the things I wrote earlier in this section.

If you live in the United States, I encourage you to contact your representatives about anti-LGBT legislation. I was really nervous about doing this at first but there are a lot of handy scripts out there for both emails and phone calls. Now whenever I see something I want to make a statement on I fire off an email. Google is really helpful for finding your reps and all that jazz but if you want any help feel free to reach out (you can email me at adventuresandespresso@gmail.com).

Educate other people in your lives. Seriously, this one can be a lot easier than you might think. I understand if you’re not in a place where you are able or safe enough to educate those around you but if you are just talking about issues and how they hurt people can be a big influence. I used to rant about political stuff constantly to my former coworker and on more than one occasion she told me that I had taught her a lot.

Lastly, I know that there are plenty of big name organizations that you can donate to but I wanted to emphasize the importance and benefit of mutual aid. There are so many people that need financial help. People who need to get out of unsafe living situations, trans individuals who need help affording to transition, the list is endless. When I’m on Twitter and have a bit of extra money I try to find people who are asking for help. It may not seem like a lot if you only have a few dollars to spare but it could mean everything to that person seeking help. If you or someone you know has a need for financial help feel free to reach out if you’re comfortable letting me add the information to this post and I will!

With that, I’m going to sign off for the day. I’m really disappointed that this ended up not being the book I was hoping it would be but I’ve got a list of sapphic contemporary books to pick up next so on to the next one! If you’d like to connect with me elsewhere you can find me:

On Twitter: @/nihilisticactus

On Readerly: @/sideofadventure

My email for review inquiries, etc is adventuresandespresso@gmail.com

You can add me on Goodreads or follow my reviews here.

And my Ko-fi in case you’re interested in financially supporting the blog.

Mid-Year Book Freakout Tag 2021 + Some Blog Goals

Hey y’all! I’m back today with a tag, it’s July so technically still the middle of the year so here’s the Mid-Year Book Freakout Tag. And then at the end of the post I’m going to throw in some blog goals I have for the rest of the year too!

Best book you’ve read so far?

The Wolf and the Woodsman
Image: Cover of The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid

The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid

Seriously this book was absolutely amazing. If you haven’t read it yet or added it to you TBR you should. I have a post coming for it soon but I do have a review of it on Goodreads right now. It’s twisted and dark but beautifully written and knits together Jewish folklore and Hungarian history to create a standout fantasy novel. And it’s Reid’s debut!

Best sequel you’ve read so far?

Girl Gone Viral (Modern Love, #2)
Image: Cover of Alisha Rai’s Girl Gone Viral

Alisha Rai’s Girl Gone Viral (and First Comes Like gets an honorable mention).

The Right Swipe was one of my favorite books of 2019 then after going through a reading slump that lasted for the majority of 2020 I was surprised to find I had two Alisha Rai books to read! The Modern Love series makes my heart melt and I adore the characters in them. Girl Gone Viral was such a cute read, I loved it!

New release you haven’t read yet, but want to

Oh gosh… Y’all should see the stack of books that I have on my dresser.

Take Me Home Tonight
Image: Cover of Take Me Home Tonight by Morgan Matson

I’m going to have to go with Take Me Home Tonight by Morgan Matson. Morgan Matson is one of my auto-buy authors. Has been ever since I picked up Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour years ago. So when I got my hands on Take Me Home Tonight I had the (not so) smart idea to reread all of her books out so far and then make a post with mini reviews for all of them. I haven’t gotten around to it yet which is the main reason I haven’t read this one but I always seem to pick up contemporary books in the summer so hopefully I’ll get around to it soon!

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

A Lesson in Vengeance
Image: Cover of A Lesson In Vengeance by Victoria Lee

Without looking at Goodreads or anything like that the one book that came to mind was A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee. Honestly I get pumped for a lot of books that I can’t wait to read but then end up reading them long after they’ve been released because I never pay close enough attention to release days. Seriously I see people posting on Twitter about book birthdays and I’m always going “Wait, that’s out today??? Since when???” A Lesson in Vengeance may or may not be the one book I know the release month for! (It’s August lol).

Biggest disappointment

One Last Stop
Image: Cover of One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

Sigh… It’s One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston. My post for this will be out soon! I’ll link it here once I get it published. It has taken me a lot longer to finish the post because of some extra research I needed to do for it but I have a pretty long post about why this was disappointing. Long story short I felt like the pacing of the plot was weird and I had issues with some of the characterization. I also have a more concise review on Goodreads for this right now though if you don’t want to wait for the blog post.

Biggest surprise

Black Sun (Between Earth and Sky, #1)
Image: Cover of Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse

So I decided to pick this as my answer because of the absolute mind boggling ending this had. It wasn’t surprising like I went into it expecting not to enjoy it or anything like that but the twisting of everything at the end absolutely blew my mind and I’m so upset I have to wait for the second book!!! I read through this in a day and by the time I got to the end I whispered “No” (it was like 2 in the morning) because I needed to know what happened to the characters.

Also!! This book is out in paperback now and it’s one of Barnes & Noble’s July Monthly Picks which means it’s part of their buy 1 get 1 50% deal! And the e-book is currently on sale too in case you’re interested in picking up a hard copy or an e copy!

Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

Emily Henry! I read People We Meet On Vacation a few weeks ago and I’m devouring Beach Read right now. She only has the two books out currently but I’m really looking forward to picking up anything else she publishes.

Newest fictional crush & Newest Favorite Character

I decided to combine these two because I’ll be real here… I don’t think I have an answer for either of these. I haven’t read a ton of new books this year and while I connected to and enjoyed reading about a lot of the characters I just don’t have strong enough feelings about any of them. Onto the next one…

Book that made you cry

Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted
Image: Cover of Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad

Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad

Memoirs are almost guaranteed to make me cry and this was no exception. I have a whole post on this book and I’m really glad that I was able to read it. It was a beautifully written book about grieving a future that is no longer there because life has sent you down a different path. There was so much honesty and healing and I highly recommend picking this up if you have ever experienced trauma of any kind. Suleika battled cancer but I found a lot of parallels with her story and my own in regards to mental health.

Book that made you happy

Song for a Whale
Image: Cover of Song for a Whale by Lynne Kelly

Song for a Whale by Lynne Kelly

Oh this book warmed my heart so much. I adored it and while I did also cry while reading it I was so happy by the time I finished reading. The main character, Iris, is so sweet and smart and her journey to finding a connection to a whale named Blue 55 was everything I hoped it would be. (Spoiler, this is going to be my next Middle Grade Monday post!)

Most beautiful book you’ve bought or received so far this year

The Nature of Witches
Image: Cover of The Nature of Witches by Rachel Griffin

If I still had a Bookstagram The Nature of Witches by Rachel Griffin would be all over my page. I am very behind in terms of writing posts for the blog but I plan on doing some sort of photoshoot with this book outside for the review post I eventually make!

But seriously just look at the cover under the dust jacket of this. I’m in love!

What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

I’m going to go with the simplest answer. Try and read more ARCs and also just whatever books I feel like reading before the end of the year 🙂

Now that the tag questions are all done I figured I’d wrap this up with some blog goals for the remainder of the year. And since I am oh so consistent /s with my blogging I do want to preface with I have no idea if any of these goals will end up working out for me but we’ll see!

I know that I had previously mentioned that I would be going back to school. I’ve been working full time for the last 2.5 years so I knew that I would have to leave my job and to my surprise I ended up being without a job about 3 weeks sooner than originally planned. Which basically just means i have more free time on my hands than expected before classes start in August.

So some goals I have for the rest of the year with my blog include:

  1. Getting to 250 followers (I’m at 223 right now!). It would also be nice to increase my follower count on Twitter but that’s less important.
  2. Post twice a week, doesn’t matter the content but just getting two posts out a week, not even going to stick to a schedule
  3. Revamp my categories and possibly the look of my blog. Depending on how things go, I’d really like to find someone to help me revamp the appearance of my blog. I’ve redone it a couple times on my own but it’s all been pretty basic. I also really need to rewrite my About page and add some other info. I spent some time setting some older blog posts to private that I didn’t think were well written anymore and it made me realize I could definitely focus some energy on fixing up the entire thing.
  4. In possibly revamping things I also would like to work on making my blog as accessible as possible. I’m going to look into ways to go about that in the coming weeks but if you have any suggestions I’d love to hear them!

I think that about sums up what I’m hoping to accomplish this year. So if you haven’t done this tag yet, I tag you! Otherwise feel free to answer any of these questions in the comments if you’re interested in doing so!

If you want to find me elsewhere:

Im on Twitter @/nihilistcactus

I’m on Readerly: @/sideofadventure

You can add me on Goodreads (or follow my reviews) here.

You can email me at adventuresandespresso@gmail.com for review inquiries, etc.

And if you’re interested in supporting the blog financially my ko-fi is here.

A Memoir For a Quarter Life Crisis: Reviewing Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad

I’m always thankful for books that manage to find their way to me at the perfect time. I’ve been an avid reader since I first learned and the universe never seems to fail me when I need a story to find its way to me. At 24, I’ve spent most of my life shifting between crisis mode and terrifying periods of time where things feel okay which obviously means that everything is about to fall apart. Right now I’m battling with another terrifying period of time because I’m taking major steps forward but am waiting for the little bad things to take over my life once more.

Living with and learning to cope with the effects of trauma is overwhelming. It takes a lot of work and oftentimes it can make you feel completely hopeless. When your life gets turned upside down and you spend your entire existence simply finding a way to survive to see another day by the time you’re back to a point where you could even attempt to find “normalcy” it may feel impossible. Between Two Kingdoms is a heart wrenching look into this exact type of journey.

At 22, Suleika Jaouad’s world turned upside down after being diagnosed with leukemia. Over the years she used her writing to cope with her battle with cancer as well as her battle to find a way to understand where her life had taken her when she went into remission and no longer has to spend all of her time focusing on survival. The memoir that she crafted about her journey was not only beautifully written but also heartbreakingly honest and relatable. Though our experiences with trauma are quite different I felt like Suleika had pulled things from my own thoughts and journals as she relayed her own.

Suleika has a powerful voice and it was clear to me that she poured her emotions into the pages of Between Two Kingdoms. Trauma is a beast and reading about how she fell apart and slowly began putting herself back together was incredibly relatable. The inspiration for the title comes from how the world seemed to be split between the kingdom of the “sick” and the kingdom of the “well”. Despite ending up in remission, Suleika struggled with making her way back to the kingdom of the well which is what ultimately sent her on her road trip to try and heal.

She was marooned between these two kingdoms because she was grieving both the life she would never live as well as the people she lost along the way. While it was heartbreaking to see her become aware of how her illness effected everyone in her life I appreciated the self awareness throughout the latter portion of the book. When we are suffering it’s hard to understand that our illnesses be they physical or mental have consequences. Personally I’m still trying to cope with how my struggles over the years have changed every aspect of my life.

Overall I couldn’t recommend this memoir more. Through a heartbreakingly honest portrayal of healing Suleika gave readers a message of hope. We currently exist in a world where too many people have experienced trauma, grief, and illness. Especially now as we all still navigate what has happened with COVID I think this book could be a benefit to many. Now more than ever it’s important to realize that we are not suffering alone. Our lives have changed and if you’re still in a period of just making sure you survive another day know I’m proud of you for fighting.

If you’re interested in picking up your own copy of Between Two Kingdoms you can find it at the following:

Barnes & Noble // Bookshop // Or find a local indie shop at IndieBound

Other places you can find me:

Twitter: nihilisticactus

Readerly: sideofadventure

Add me on Goodreads here

Email for review requests: adventuresandespresso@gmail.com